Silent Repercussions
by smartkid37
Summary: Tag: Endgame. Tim McGee faces the apparent indifference of his team after the events of the morning; how it affects him ultimately affects them all.
1. Silent Contemplation

_A/N: Tag: Endgame _

* * *

Why was it; he wondered to himself with anger and bitterness mixing themselves intricately with the acute pain he felt so sharply it was becoming hard to breathe; that when bad things like this happened to him; either phyiscally painful; or emotionally painful; devastating even; nobody on this team seemed to give a damn? Why the hell didn't he matter to them?

When Ziva had been in trouble; they'd been there for her. Gibbs had even come out of retirement to help her. She'd been facing some pretty serious charges; a set up; but enough to put her on the FBI's most wanted list real quick. The entire team had put themselves out there; willing to sacrifice their career for her. After all; they were a team; they were family. When Ziva had been damn near killed by that maniacle serial killer she had gone undercover to catch; daringly dating him to draw him out; the team had watched over her like a clan of eagles guarding their young; until she had regained her sense of balance within herself. It had been a hard fight; but they'd relentlessly watched over her, despite her protestations and complaints to the contrary.

Anytime Abby was in trouble, the team was there for her; in full force. With Gibbs firmly standing watch over them; while they watched over her; Abby was never left to deal with any problems or it's aftermath, alone; unless she'd chosen not to let them in to begin with. Even then, when the details came to light; the team always fell into step behind her; surrounding her; the pack protecting its' young.

Tony had; with his longer tenure on the team; endured his share of bad experiences. Every near miss; close call; and painful experience he'd been through; as with Abby and Ziva; was met with the dogged determined team as a whole; there to back him up; watch over him and see him through until he was once again back on his feet. When they'd thought he'd been blown up in his car; Tim, alone; would not believe the burned body was Tony's. He, by himself; rallied the team to the idea that it wasn't Tony and that they shouldn't yet grieve. When Tony was so buried with pain and regret that he couldn't even hide it; after losing Jeanne. Tim had done his best not to belittle him or give him a hard time. Sure, he'd said one or two not nice things; but it hadn't been to Tony and it hadn't been with malice. The Senior Field Agent's pain had been too real; no matter what a pain in the ass he could be. The team rallied around him. even Gibbs provided some clear examples of tough love.

Somehow; when it came down to Tim; however; the team suddenly became distant; quiet; uncaring; obtuse; whatever you wanted to call it. The simple, painful fact of the matter was; the only person who seemed to really give a damn when it counted most; was Ducky. If it wasn't for Ducky, the young man wouldn't have felt a bit of concern from the people he was supposed to be able to rely on; trust; depend on; to get him through; to watch his back in the field.

Granted; this situation had not been the team's doing. Well, for the most part, anyway. Tony had stuck his nose in where it didn't belong; had allowed Amanda to be sent up to the squad room without checking with Tim first. But, other than that; he knew he had no one to blame but himself. But, the fact that he'd almost been killed today; wasn't even affecting his team mates. It was as if he'd told them he'd gotten caught in a rain shower; instead of a shoot-out.

The pain in his heart was eating him alive; much more quickly this time; than ever before. Not even Abby breaking up with him; had hurt like this. Every time he attempted to date; and granted those times were few and far between; he wound up with a psycho on his hands. This was different. This was worse. This was the last straw; the ultimate sign; handing him the last piece to the puzzle he'd been trying to solve for so long. Finally, he'd realized the painful answer. Tim McGee was unloveable. There was something wrong with him. He could learn to live with that, he supposed. Maybe.

But, the unanswered question that remained; added so much hurt and humilation and pain to the puzzle solution he'd figured out; that it wasn't something he could live with. It wasn't something he wanted to live with. Who could?

As he looked around the squad room; every one of his team mates and even his boss; hard at work wrapping up the case; lost in their work. Tim realized; he was right in his conclusions. Keeping his face straight; he got back to work; wrapping up his own case report. What needed to be done could wait. Hopefully, they'd be able to get outta here soon tonight.

Tim McGee had things he needed to do.


	2. Someone Does Care

Tim got his wish; and by 6 that evening; the squad room was emptying out. As the rest of them escaped; Tim withdrew unseen to the break room; calmly refilling his coffee; having no intention of leaving just yet. He'd left his desk cleaned off; his computer screen on power save and his backpack occupying his pushed in chair. To all who glanced at his desk; it appeared he'd gone for the night. It wasn't a matter of trying to be sneaky. The fewer questions; the better. Tim wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone and certainly wasn't in the right frame of mind to have an an intellegent conversation; he had too much going on in his head; too much to sort out.

Giving himself a solid hour to enjoy his coffee in peace and quiet; and hopefully, make sure that even Gibbs had gone for the evening; Tim returned to his desk; only to find he hadn't quite gotten this wish fulfilled. Ducky was waiting for him. This was a surprise in itself; as the M.E. was rarely seen waiting for someone in the squad room, unless of course; it was Gibbs about an autopsy.

"Ducky?" Tim asked, "Are you looking for someone?" his eyes surreptitiously going to Gibbs' desk; praying the boss was indeed gone for the night.

"Yes, indeed; young man, I was waiting for you." Ducky answered. Seeing where the agent's eyes had hurridly gone to and the fear mixed with hope shadowing the young man's eyes; he reassured him, "Jethro has gone for the evening, Timothy."

The sigh of relief was almost comical; would have been if Ducky hadn't seen past it; down to the pain and sorrow the young man was hiding. "How did you know I was still here, Ducky?" Tim asked.

"I had a sense that you were. Timothy, why are you still here? The rest of your team left well over an hour ago. Even Jethro left a good 30 minutes ago."

"Yeah, Ducky, I know. I kinda wanted it that way." Tim admitted; never really able to keep things from the one person who truly listened to him when he needed it the most.

"Whatever for?"

"Ducky, why were you waiting for me?" Tim needed to know.

"I am concerned about how this morning's events may have affected you, young man. I understand you were falling in love with this woman? I know this must have been truely difficult for you." Ducky asked with compassion.

"Yeah, really stupid, I know. I shoulda known better than to even look twice at her, Ducky."

"Why on earth would you say that?"

"Come on, Ducky; my track record with dating sucks. It's got _'only psycho chicks need apply'_ written all over it. Except for Abby, of course; but even she didn't think I was good enough. So, why do I even bother to keep tryin? The only reason I can figure is because I gotta keep Tony's joke material fresh." Tim said with bitterness he couldn't hide.

"Timothy, you are being too harsh on yourself." Ducky softly admonished.

"Am I? No, Ducky, I don't think so. But, it's okay. cause this just shows me what I needed to figure out."

"And what is that?"

"That it all boils down to one thing; I'm not, and excuse the mushy stuff; loveable. There's something wrong with me, Ducky."

"Timothy!"

"Ducky, I'm serious; I'm not saying it as a pity party; it's a statement of fact. Why else would my team always be there for each other; in times like this; but everytime I look around when I'm going through something like this; or even when I get hurt on the job; there's nobody even asking about how I'm doing; like you are now; like you always do? It's not just regarding women, Ducky. It's me; in general."

"Now, you're being too harsh on your team?" Ducky asked with concern.

"Ducky; when I got those serious bouts of poisen ivy; who was there for me? You were. Not the team; all they could do was laughl or worse; act like nothing happened. Same thing when I got tazered; both times! And the dog attack? You know the answer to that one!. When Erin was murdered on my watch? When Kate died because Ari missed me by an inch? When Ziva came and became Tony's new partner? Face it, Ducky; for some unnamed reason; I'm the one this team doesn't care two bits about; unless I'm letting them down or not working fast enough. It's always been like this. I've always been the odd man out. I'm not even anyone's partner" Tim lamented so honestly, he didn't even realize he wasn't hiding the pain he was feeling from his tone.

"Oh, my! I had no idea you felt this way. Have you spoken to the team?" Ducky asked.

"Of course not, Ducky. All they'll do is laugh harder. But, it all adds up to the same conclusion. I'm really sorry I dumped it on you. I had no intention of doing that." Tim said with regret.

"Timothy, my boy; I'm glad you told me. It often helps a great deal to speak to someone about what's botherig us and it's clear that you haven't done so; until now." Ducky reassurred him.

"Still doesn't mean I shoulda dumped it on you, Ducky. I really am sorry." Tim insisted.

"Dr. Mallard, would you excuse us, please?" Director Vance's voice from beyond where the two men had been standing,startled both men into silence.

"Certainly, Director." Ducky answered when he'd recovered his voice. "Have a good night, Timothy. Please call me if you need to talk."

"Thanks, Ducky, I will.," Tim promised; grateful to have someone he could talk to. He knew Ducky would keep his confidence.

"Special Agent McGee, I received your email. I came down here to speak to you about it; but after walking into your conversation with Dr. Mallard; I find I already have the answers to my questions." Vance said carefully. "Your request is approved.

"Thank you, Sir." Tim responded gratefully.

"Now, get outta here and go home." Vance instructed as he himself headed out.

Tim, however; found he had no desire to leave the office. He had no where to go. He'd done what he'd needed to do; as a matter of fact; he'd gotten a lot accomplished in a short time. His plans were set and arrangements had been made. Now, all he needed to do was make it through until he could leave for the weekend the following day. It was gonna be a long day.

Unable to even think of sleeping; but not willing to be seen staying beyond normal on the security footage; Tim signed off his computer and headed up to one of the 'on-call' rooms upstairs. Once he'd gotten settled on the couch in the room; he realized he'd forgotten his backpack down at his desk; currently not even hidden where it sat. Too emotionally worn out to care about it; he allowed himself to stop worrying about it and relax.

As he lay there trying to catch some sleep; all he could do was think back on this near fatal relationship and what it said about him. Slowly but surely, the events of the last few weeks began to replay themselves in his head. As the painful memories crashed through the gates of his self-control; and the tears trickled down his face; Tim McGee gave in to the exhaustion that found him.


	3. Not Looking Hard Enough

Ziva was the first to arrive in the morning. Looking around the squad room as she always did when she first arrived; she was surprised to find McGee's backpack next to his desk. Surely, he would not have gone home without it. Walking up to his desk, she clicked on his keyboard, fully expecting it to come back from its' powersave mode. When the computer remained unresponsive; allowing her to figure out that it was still off; Ziva became even more puzzled.

"Ziva, what are you doing at Probie's desk?" Tony asked as he entered the squad room.

"Tony, McGee's backpack is here, but his computer is not on. I have not seen him." Ziva answered his question with her puzzle.

"He's here somewhere, then, Ziva. "Why are you worried about him, anyway?" Tony asked.

"Tony, do you not care that he was almost killed yesterday? Or that it was by the woman he was seriously interested in?" ZIva asked scornfully.

"Ziva, McNever had a real date is fine." Tony said callously. "He's like Tigger, he always bounces back." Tony encouraged.

"I do not think he will 'bounce back' so easily this time, Tony. He really liked this girl." Ziva said.

"Relax, I'm tellin' ya, Ziva. McTimex is fine. He takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'; always." Tony joked; still not getting where her concern was coming from. Probie had been down this road before and had always come back just fine.

"I do not believe he is fine this time, Tony. And even if you are not concerned I am. I wll keep my eye on him; even if you will not." Ziva vowed; aggravated at his callous attitude toward McGee.

"Keep your eye on who, Ziva?" Gibbs asked as he entered the squad room.

"McGee. Gibbs; I am concerned about him."

"Oh, yeah? Why's that?" Gibbs asked.

"Am I the only one who thinks what happened yesterday was very hard on him?" Ziva asked incredulously.

"No, Ziva. You're not." Gibbs answered quietly, "Let's get to work."

Gibbs knew that McGee had to be hurting over what happened. But, the trooper inside his agent had rallied quite well and gotten right back into working. He'd done Gibbs proud. Par for the course, though; Gibbs had said nothing to him. Even after his agent had stoically sat through their meeting with Vance about the whole ordeal; McGee had remained determinedly quiet. It had been almost like he was unwilling to show his need for more. And far be it for Gibbs or anyone else to take that away from the young man.

"Boss, McTardy is tardy." Tony whined when McGee had yet to show up at his desk, 15 minutes late.

"That so, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked dryly.

He knew McGee was here somewhere, but it wasn't right for him to be late reporting in without notice. It also wasn't normal; not for McGee. As he picked up the phone to call Abby, his errant Agent appeared at his desk; with dark shadows under his veiled eyes; Tim McGee had obviously had a rough night.

"Boss, I'm sorry, I'm late. It won't happen again." Tim said quietly. Not surprisingly, he stood waiting for Gibbs to dole out his punishment.

Gibbs looked his agent over for a long silent minute. Not liking what he saw; yet, knowing the young man was trying to stay on track and not let anything get in the way of what was normal; he nodded at him and gestured for him to get to work. Letting him off the hook; silently, thoughtfully; Gibbs figured it was the best thing he could do for him at the moment. Knowing McGee the way he did; Gibbs knew the fact that the young man was hiding his emotions from his eyes this morning spoke volumes in itself.

"Thank you." Tim said in an almost whisper as he turned and went to his own desk.

With a glare for Tony and a warning look for Ziva; Gibbs sent the message that the matter was not open for discussion. As the team dug into the cold cases they'd each been assigned to work; the squad room got quiet. Gibbs could have sworn he heard the cogs of their brains grinding from each of the three agent's desks.

As the day wore on, so did the drudgery of working cold cases. Tony and Ziva started tossing ideas back and forth about their cases which soon turned into bickering and sniping at each other. Tim remained silent; keeping his head in his own cold case; working through the information in front of him. Gibbs also remained silent through the morning; working undisturbed on his own stuff. He didn't bother to shush the noisemakers as they weren't bothering either himself or McGee from the looks of things. As lunch time approached; he surprisingly enough; began packing up his work station.

"Going somewhere Probie?" Tony asked.

"Lunch, Tony." Tim said calmly.

"From the looks of things, McTidy, you don't plan on coming back today." Tony sniped.

Tim ignored him as he finished clearing his work space and headed out without looking back.

Once he'd reached his car; his heart jumped for joy. _Freedom!_

_"_Something you wanna tell me, Tim?"


	4. The Truth without Honesty

_A/N: Super short chapter here; but it needs to stand alone._

* * *

_  
Once he'd reached his car; his heart jumped for joy. Freedom!  
"Something you wanna tell me, Tim?"_

* * *

Tim jumped; his heart in his throat. He wasn't doing anything wrong; but, _damn Gibbs just gave him a heart attack_!

"Boss! You startled me!" Tim exclaimed; unable to lower his voice in time.

"Mmm. I'm sure." Gibbs said nochanlantly.

"I was going to lunch, Boss."

"Mind if I join you?" the older man asked.

Tim was shocked into silence. Barely remembering his ingrained manners; he finally answered, "Course not, Boss."

"Don't worry, I'll let you drive." Gibbs said with a small grin; trying to set his agent a little at ease.

"Sub shop okay, Boss?" Tim asked, while appreciating the grin; fearing what he knew was coming down the pike.

"it's fine."

The ride to the small sandwich shop on the navy yard was thankfully over quickly; as it had been unnervingly quiet. Tim knew his goose was cooked and he hated like hell lying to the man; but what the hell else was he supposed to have done? he couldn't talk to the man. that never happened. Gibbs wasn't the 'I'm there for you' type; not for Tim anyway. Tim knew that. He knew that Gibbs talked with the others when they needed it.

They peacefully ordered and waited for their sandwich platters and drinks; took a seat in a quiet corner; and ate. When they had both finished eating; the silence grew so lengthy and strained; Tim thought he would have a heart attack from his nerves stretching so tight.

Suddenly, Gibbs whipped out his cell phone.

"I'll be gone most of the afternoon, DiNozzo; you're in charge."

"Don't worry about McGee. McGee is fine." Gibbs snapped his phone shut and put it away.

The silence returned and so did the tension. The moments ticked on as Gibbs stared at Tim while Tim tried his best to not wear his guilt on his sleeve.

"How long have you worked for me?" Gibbs finally asked in a deceptively quiet tone.

"Six years." Tim replied; knowing he was in trouble for something. _Had Vance told him already? Damn it!_

"Wanna tell me why you chose now to start being dishonest with me?" Gibbs asked with stone cold fury radiating from his quiet voice.

"Boss?"

"I'm not your boss anymore, am I, Tim"


	5. I Can't Talk to You

_"I'm not your boss anymore, am I, Tim?"_

* * *

Tim McGee suddenly became the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. After a long silent frozen moment, he forced himself to look Gibbs in the eye as he answered him honestly. "No."

"Care to explain why I had to hear about it in an email from Vance?" Gibbs asked, his voice, although still angry, had come down in volume. He knew he'd get more out of Tim if he'd tone it down.

"I can't." Tim answered.

"Why the hell not?" Gibbs demanded; his volume rising back up a hair.

"If I thought I could talk to you, I would have come to you. I wouldn't have gone to Vance." Tim's tone was not disrespectful; just honest and full of sorrow. He'd spent many a long hours hurting; wishing he could talk things out with Gibbs; but knowing his boss wasn't able to be there for him.

"That's not saying much after six years on my team, McGee." Tim was the last person who he'd ever thought would do an end-run around him like this.

"Youre, right, Gibbs. it's not." Tim's pain filled tone spoke volumes; as if to say that Gibbs had just made his sad point for him.

Gibbs stopped himself from saying anything else for a minute. Taking some time to think about what he could read between the lines and in Tim's unusual tone; he drank his coffee, watching his former agent for what he could sense from him. Fear, anger, distress; it was all there; in his nervousness, in his eyes. Tim didn't want this. Obviously, Tim had felt like he'd had no choice. So, what the hell had driven him to do it?

"This have anything to do with yesterday?"

Tim's eyes fell to the table, but not before Gibbs got a glimpse of the pain he was trying so hard to keep inside. When seconds went by and the young man still didn't offer an answer; Gibbs took that as both a yes and a major catalyst for the situation he was now having to deal with. He also took it as a signal that Tim was not going to open up to him.

"You've accepted a job at MIT." Gibbs; deliberately changing the subject; stating what he'd been told in the email from Vance.

"Yes." Tim whispered; suddenly ashamed of the way he'd handled this whole mess. Even if Gibbs hadn't stepped up to the plate and talked to him; asked if he was okay; he was still his boss; and he still deserved better than McGee had given him.

"Boss. I'm sorry. I really am. I..." Tim quietly offered; regret plainly encased in his words.

"I know, Tim" Gibbs let him off the hook. "This is so unlike you, I know it's not sitting well with your conscience."

"No, it's not." Tim agreed with embarrasment.

"But, you know something, McGee? Mine isn't too clear right now, either." Gibbs admitted. "Something drove you to handle it this way; which means, your team wasn't there for you to turn to. Being Team Leader; the responsibility for that screw up lies with me."

Tim was speechless.

"Talk to me." the older man requested.

"I can't. I have a plane to catch." Tim replied.

"Already packed and moving on to MIT?" Gibbs asked with both a tinge of anger and a slice of regret.

"No. That's not for two more weeks. Right now, I'm going to see my parents. Gonna try to relax and unwind for a couple of days." Tim's voice wasn't that of a happy vacationer. His misery clung to him like a vine. Whether it was because he couldn't shake feeling bad about how he'd handled this; or because of what happened to him yesterday; Gibbs couldn't tell. What he could do; was push to make sure any guilt he was carrying about this; was dealt with here and now.

"McGee. I want you to do something for me." Gibbs told him unexpectedly.

"Name it." Tim said with quiet conviction.

"Drop this guilt you're carrying. Yes, I was pissed. Yes, you should have come to me and not gone over my head. But, there are two side to every story and I understand yours. What's done is done. We're good. Let it go." Gibbs instructed the now shocked agent sitting across from him.

"I can't promise anything but that I'll try, Gibbs." Tim honestly told him. "But, thank you for that."

As they got up to leave; the atmosphere between them was much more relaxed and comfortable. Tim no longer felt like he was suffocating and on his way to the gallows. As they drove back to the office in peaceful quiet; Tim thought back to lunch. It had been so nice to be able to talk to Gibbs like that.

As Gibbs got out of the car, turning to go back into work; he looked at his former agent, one last time and told him.

"You're a damn good agent. I just wish you believed that."

"Thank you, Gibbs. That means a lot coming from you." Tim gave back.

"You call me, anytime. And don't forget my door's always open." his former boss vowed.

"Thank you, Gibbs."

Gibbs stepped back and watched as his former field agent, Tim McGee drove away from NCIS for the last time.

* * *

_A/N: Does Tim make a complete clean break? Is he able to put it all behind him so easily? How does his sudden departure affect the team?  
__Tune in and find out._


	6. What's Going On?

Back in the squad room, Tony was in mid rant about McGee's abrupt departure.

"Can it, DiNozzo." Gibbs barked as he walked through. Heading up to the Director's office, Gibbs only had one thing on his mind at the moment. He was on a mission. As he entered the Director's Office; he was prepared to have to fight for what he wanted.

'Gibbs, McGee get off okay?" Leon asked.

"You handle all resignations like this, Leon? No working things out, no discussions with immediate supervisors, you just cut em loose the minute they ask for it?" Gibbs asked with unbridled anger.

"As a matter of fact, it's not, Gibbs. Nor did I do so in this case." Vance defended himself.

"Well, you sure as hell blindsided me with it; after the fact." Gibbs barked, too pissed to worry about any line he might be crossing.

"It's not my job go behind you and make sure you're on top of what's going on with your team members, Gibbs. You should have been able to prevent this."

"Maybe I could have; if you'd made him follow the chain of command, Leon! Instead, you let him do this behind my back. You approved it behind my back. Interesting leadership style you're operatin under, Leon." Gibbs quipped sarcastically.

"You really wanna go there with me? Whose team did he just walk away from? Sure as hell wasn't mine!" Vance barked.

Gibbs stared at him in stone cold fury. After a minute, he regained his focus and remembered what he'd come up here to accomplish.

"Yeah. Okay. What are we gonna do about it?"

"Whattya mean 'what are we gonna do about it'?" Vance asked. "We're not gonna do anything about it."

"You're seriously telling me that you're just gonna let him walk away from the agency, Leon? Come on! We both know what an asset he is to this Agency! You really gonna let him throw away his career with this Agency after everything he's done for us?"

"What is it you want me to do, exactly, Gibbs?" Vance demanded.

"I've got an idea."

"Please, enlighten me." Vance said with a tinge of sarcasm.

Gibbs took a seat and began to lay his ideas out on the table.

* * *

"Gibbs has been up there a really long time and Probie's not back yet!" Tony stated with alarm. Gibbs had gone up to the Director's Office some 15 minutes ago and it had been all Tony could do to not take himself up there and put his ear to the door to hear what was being said.

"What is it you are suddenly so worried about, Tony?" Ziva asked, still angry with him about his callous attitude toward McGee's situtation.

"Something doesn't feel right." Tony said quietly.

"Are you finally ready to agree with me that McGee was affected badly by what happened yesterday?" Ziva asked.

"Maybe." Tony conceded.

"Where's Timmy?" Abby's demanding voice came as a surprise as she rounded the corner from behind Tim's desk and entered their work area.

"We do not know, Abby." Ziva answered.

"Were's Gibbs?" the Forensic Scientist demanded just as seriously.

"In with the Director." Tony responded.

"What's going on?" Abby persisted.

"Why would you think something is going on? Ziva was puzzled.

"I can feel it!" Abby declared. "Something's not right with McGee and I want to know what it is!"

"Don't we all." Tony quipped.

"We all, what, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he rounded the corner from the back stairs. Surprisingly enough, Ducky and Palmer with with him and he lost little time in letting it be apparent that he did indeed have something to say that they all needed to hear. After directing everyone to a conference room and waiting for them to take their seats, Gibbs gave them what they had been waiting for.

"McGee has resigned. Effective two weeks from today. Currently he is on leave visiting his family. He has asked us to leave him alone and we will respect his request." Gibbs' tone booked no argument.

**"What?  
"WHY?"  
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"  
"Without saying goodbye? Timmy wouldn't do that to us!"**

Gibbs looked at each one of them as they processed his news. As he took in what their verbal reaction was, he was only slightly surprised that the M.E. seemed only mildly surprised and silent. This beared checking into.

"Something you wanna tell us, Duck? Gibbs asked with a tinge of suspiscion. "You knew this was comin?"

"No, Jethro, merely suspected was coming." Ducky admitted.

"Care to enlighten us, Ducky?" Tony asked, daring to get in the middle of it. He knew that he needed to or Gibbs was likely to explode on the poor guy. They didn't need that right now.

"I'm certain that if you took the time to think back on things that have happened over the course of the time our Timothy has been on this team, particularly to him, you would discover the truth for yourselves." Ducky told them.

"Ducky!" Gibbs barked.

"No, Jethro. Timothy spoke to me in confidence. I will not break that trust. No matter if he is still here with us or not!" Ducky vowed. "However, it should not take his words spoken in confidence for your brilliant investigators and scientist alike, to realize what has happened here."

"Why didn't he come to us?" Tony demanded.

"Why would he, Anthony? When that girl broke his heart and almost killed him yesterday, what did you say to him to help him through it? What did any of you say to him?"

The guilt-ridden silence in the room was stifling.

"When Jethro attacked him, how did you all treat him, individually and even as a team?" Ducky persisted. He knew that citing the situations Timothy had been so grieviously wronged or slighted in was nowhere near breaking his confidence. The M.E. also realized that Timothy's coworkers needed a push in the right direction if they stood a chance of fixing this horrible mess.

"From your continued silence, I can only gather that you understand exacly what has happened here. I do not think I need to cite any more examples where Timothy was treated most unjustly or without compassion when he needed it most." Ducky declared.

"Okay. But, that doesn't explain why he left without saying goodbye!" Abby fumed.

"He didn't, Abby." Gibbs said as he took a stack of envelopes out of his jacket inside pocket. Vance had surprised him with them as he'd left the guy's office a few minutes ago. Apparently, McGee had given them to him, asked him to distribute them to the team.

"No, Jethro, indeed he did not." Ducky said as he held up his cell phone. Pushing the right buttons, they all relaxed a tad bit as McGee' voice filled the room.

_"Hi. I know you're all pissed at me right now, and I'm sorry. I was a little overwhelmed with everything and I just panicked, needed to get away from everything. Once I'd started the ball rolling, I couldn't stop it. It wasn't until Gibbs talked to me at lunch before I left, that I even stopped long enough to think twice about what I was doing._

_That doesn't mean I've changed my mind. It just means I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye in person. I know saying it in writing isn't near as acceptable as in person. I'm sure Vance has given you all my letters to each of you. I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm asking you to read them anyway_

_I know that by now you've heard that I've asked to be left alone for a while and I know that's pissing some of you off. I would say I'm sorry, but I can't. This is what I need. I need some space to breathe and think._

_Abby, don't worry about Jethro. He's with me._

_Tony, Ziva, look out for the rest of them._

_Palmer, look after Ducky and yourself._

_Gibbs, I can't tell you how sorry I am._

_Ducky, I can't thank you enough."_

_Bye._


	7. Painful Goodbyes

_A/N : A huge thank you goes to LabRatsRule for her wonderful help with editing and ideas._

* * *

The silence in the room was painful. Silently Gibbs handed out Tim's letters of goodbye to everyone. Looking each of his remaining team members over one last time, he slipped out of the room. He needed to get busy, keep his mind occupied.

Ziva was angry. She didn't know if she was angrier at herself for not pushing Tony, and even Gibbs, harder to make an effort to reach out to Tim yesterday or at herself for not doing it herself. Either way, Ziva knew she was partially to blame for this and it saddened her greatly to have lost such a good person and a wonderful friend. With regret for the way things had turned out, Ziva opened her letter from Tim.

_Ziva_

_I don't want you to think badly of me for leaving. But, I can't help it, if that's how you feel. I will certainly understand it. I know that you are tougher than I am and probably consider me weak for bailing out like this. _

_But, right now, it's all I can handle. I almost wish you had been here for the entire time I have, Ziva. It would be easier for you to understand things from where I'm standing, if you had been. But, what is; is. And there's no changing any of that._

_Ziva, I'm so incredibly thankful that we were able to get you back. Please don't ever doubt that. My leaving is no reflection on you or your coming back to our team. _

_I treasure our friendship and if my leaving like this has damaged it in any way, I am truly sorry. Thank you for being my friend. _

_Tim._

_************_

Blinking rapidly to clear away the tears, Ziva pocketed her letter and returned to her desk, anxious to let work help her deal with the loss of a friend.

* * *

Tony was lost in thought as he absently accepted his letter from Gibbs. Ducky's words hit dead on and left no doubt just how much of role the Senior Field Agent had played in the current situation. With a heavy heart, he opened the goodbye letter Tim had written to him.

_Tony:_

_We've never been close. From what I can tell, you don't have any use for me outside work. The few times you've come to my apartment, it was to bully me into talking about something you thought I wanted to talk about, if it wasn't about work. So, I hope you'll forgive me for not telling you goodbye in person. _

_I just didn't think you would care either way. If you are pissed about it, then I sincerely, apologise. _

_If this sounds callous or unfeeling, I'm sorry. I really don't know what else I can say to you. Ours has always been a working relationship of the antagonist vs. the underdog, the comedian vs. the butt of the joke. Neither leave a whole lot of room for conversation. Even being considered your sidekick does nothing to change the facts. I can honestly say that being the junior member of this team has left its' mark in more ways than one._

_I thought this past summer working together without Ziva had strengthened our working relationship; although most days the only increase of strength I see is in within my own self. I know rescuing her added a little cement to our team. But, even after everything we've been through as a team, I'm not seeing or even sensing that anything has bonded us any closer._

_Again, if I misread things and you are upset, I apologise._

_Take care of yourself, Tony. And take care of the team._

_Tim_

_***********_

Tony felt his heart break. Had this truly been the way McGee had seen things? Did he really think Tony had no use for him? Oh, wow. No damn wonder the kid never came to him about anything. And now there was nothing he could do to fix it. McGee had gone home to his family and didn't want to hear from any of them. Who the hell could blame him?

* * *

Abby was devastated. Tim hadn't even treated her to any more of a good bye than the rest of his team. It was like he suddenly decided their special friendship was non-existent. Why would he do that? With a heavy heart, Abby opened her letter from Tim.

_Abby:_

_I know you're pissed at me and hurt that I didn't say goodbye in person. You probably don't understand why I didn't talk to you about this before I made any decisions, too. The simple truth of the matter, is, Abby, I didn't want you to have the chance to bulldoze your way through what I was feeling; what I needed to say. This time, it was important for me to do what I needed to do._

_I'm sorry if that hurts you, but it's the truth. Seldom do you stop long enough to listen to what's being said. You react to the first thing you hear that you don't agree with or don't like. The rest winds up being an episode of dealing with what that conversation then turns into. I love you but I can't handle being around you right now._

_If there's one thing that our relationship, short-lived as it was, and every subsequent relationship I've attempted to have, has taught me, it's that I need to make some serious changes before I self-destruct, or worse, let the next lunatic take me out._

_Again, I am sorry if this hurts you._

_Tim._

_*******_

Abby wiped at her tears, unsuccessfully trying to stop them from falling. Heartbroken, she took herself to her inner office, locked the door, sat down at her desk, laid her head down on her arms and let the tears flow.

_

* * *

_

Gibbs hadn't expected Tim to have written him a letter. Then again, Tim hadn't expected to have to sit through lunch with his boss after he'd gotten his okay to abandon ship. As the conversation he'd had with Tim at lunch ran through his mind, he could only hope he'd have a chance to fix this. With a heavy heart, Gibbs opened his letter from Tim.

_Boss:_

_I know, you're not my boss anymore. I can't help it. It's not just a name to me. And it's been in place for six years._

_I am sorry that I always seem to handle things wrong when it's a personal issue; in terms of coming to you with it or not. It's not that I haven't learned. It's that I have. I've learned how to read you better. Although you are quick to ask why I don't come to you and quick to tell me that your door is always open, we both know that it's not. Not for me. _

_I've always understood that your relationship with me is different than with the rest of them, even beyond the fact that we're all so different. I've never understood why. Just that it is. And while I've tried my best to accept it, sometimes, like now, it's so incredibly difficult to swallow; I find myself choking on it._

_This is probably the only chance I'll ever get to tell you exactly what's on my mind. And it's all I can do to get the words out on paper, God knows I'll never be able to say them out loud. It's not my place to tell you how to run the team or criticize you for how you do it._

_But I have to say, I couldn't be the silent one who didn't count, the one left out of the loop anymore. I couldn't be the one nobody thought to to ask if they're okay, anymore, the only one not given a voice when bad things happened. I may have been the junior team member, but why did that earn me the distinction of being the one nobody gave a damn about?_

_If you think about it, those times I was either tazered or stricken with poison ivy or locked up in the prison with my life threatened, or attacked by dogs, when all I got from my teammate, your Senior Field Agent, was criticism and ridicule; do you even have to ask why I didn't come to you with anything personal? After all, you let him treat me that way. You never stopped him. You didn't even teach him to show that he cared. _

_You've shown the rest of them more compassion and concern with things over the years than I even got a glimpse of from you on my account. When you dropped the bomb on us that Ziva was dead; you comforted Abby and you listened to Tony. You totally ignored me. I didn't matter. And when we got Ziva back, you did the same exact thing all over again._

_When the team was split up for those four months, I spent those four months in almost complete solitude because you acted like I no longer mattered to you, like I had never been anyone who mattered to you. It hurt so much worse than when you'd abandoned us to retire in Mexico. God knows, that devastated me enough. But, somehow, I muddled through. When you brought me back to your team, I was happy to be back, but it did not erase the hurt; especially when you welcomed Tony back so much more warmly then you ever did me._

_I understand that Tony's been through a lot of really hard stuff, the plague, feeling responsible for Director Shepard's death. I tried my very damnest to be there for him every single time he was going through something. I cannot be held responsible for him shrugging off my concern and attempts to be there for him._

_Sure, Tony being sent undercover and then losing Jeanne Benoit that way was painful for him. Yet, somehow you seem to think that what happened to me yesterday was a walk in the park for me. If only that were the case._

_Before I lose my nerve and throw this away, I'm ending it here._

_I'm sorry for letting you down like this._

_I'm sorry for not finding the strength to try to talk to you about it._

_I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations._

_G'bye._

_Tim_

_***********_

Gibbs was speechless. He was thankful Tim had gone beyond his usual shyness and put as much as he had on paper, but at the same time, he was shocked beyond the ability to think straight. His agent had given him so much to think about. How the hell had Tim managed to carry arround so much hurt and sorry for so long and still function? He still looked out for the team as if nothing was wrong, never once giving Gibbs cause to doubt his ability or committment to the job or the team. Fixing this was gonna be a hellova lot harder than he'd realized.


	8. Two Questions One Answer

_A/N Do you remember what question Tim asked Ducky before he left. How about the question Tim asked Gibbs in his goodbye letter?"_

_

* * *

_

Tim McGee sat back in his seat on the plane and closed his eyes. A mere two hours ago, he'd walked away from what had once been the job he loved; the team of people he still loved and six years of memories and heartaches, laughter and tears, joy and sorrow. It had been the heartaches; particularly the last one; that had finally tipped the scales. This 'thing' with Amanda had been the very last straw for this very patient but weary camel's back. Well, no. That wasn't quite true. It had been the team's indifference to both his near death experience and the devastated heartbreak it had brought him that had done it. Once again the indifference being shown to him when he needed it least.

Unbeknown to the rest of them, it had brought back the pain and the survivor's guilt of Kate's death with a vengence. It had came back on him like a brand new wave of emotional trauma. If he hadn't known better; he'd a sworn she had been killed just yesterday, it hurt all over again so badly. The gun battle; the near miss of that bullet, the sorrow, guilt and pain; all resurfacing on top of the freshly broken heart was simply too much to handle.

Not wanting to add the burden of the team's reactions to himself; he'd taken the coward's way out of saying goodbye and even now, only slightly regretted it. As the plane taxied down the runway and lifted off, Tim found tears filling his eyes as he was carried away from his home away from home for the past 6 years.

_Jeez, I feel like a little kid running home to Mommy and Daddy cause I got my feelings hurt! Hell, I bet Tony's saying the exact same thing about me right bout now! He's probably laughing his ass off at my expense because he finally managed to run me off._

But this trip was so much more than that. This trip was probably saving his life and he recognized that. He'd handed out his heart so few times; that each time it had been given back to him in broken little pieces had taken a very long time to recover from. They each felt like he'd been slapped with the mother of all slaps. This last time left him with no more cheeks to turn; no more hope and one hell of a realization. He didn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out the puzzle when this last piece had been handed to him on a silver platter. He, Tim McGee, was everything Tony DiNozzo had ever ridiculed him about being! He'd have to really search his memory banks past the current situation to recall them all; but none of them had been good, he did remember that.

It hurt to finally admit it to himself. But, more than that; it left him with the desperate need to retreat from the world that no longer wanted, welcomed or cared about him. He no longer felt safe, wanted or needed within the confines of the world he'd worked so hard to achieve success in. It was time to go back to the only place he could find unconditional love; home to Mom and Dad.

With grim determination, Tim set his mind to going back through his memories of his tenure on the team; needing to check behind himself, the need to qualify his decision was sharp. His second family, whom he'd loved in the same vein as his own family; had once again watched as he'd fallen on his face. This time, it had almost gotten him killed and no one seemed to even bat an eye over it. Was he that despensible to them? Truth be told, it really shouldn't have come as a surprise to him. Lord knows they'd shown him that this would be the routine for them when it came to him. Through the 'Probie" period that never went away, every death that had happened to the team, around the Agency and inside their cases, through every physically painful situation, and malady that had fallen his way; Tim had always been shown only the merest hint of concern or sympathy, if any at all.

When he'd helped rescue Ziva, the focus of the group had been on Tony and Ziva. No one had given one iota of concern, glance or even word to Tim. When Gibbs had dropped the bomb on Tim, Tony and Abby as a group, that Ziva was dead; no one even looked or spoke to Tim about how it affected him. They all knew he'd befriended Ziva from day one. It hadn't mattered. Apparently, the only ones that mattered at that time were Abby and Tony. When Gibbs and Tony came back from Isreal without Ziva; once again, the only ones that anyone was concerned about were Tony and Abby. Not surprisingly, Tim didn't matter. He'd become the invisible team member, only called upon when his technical skills were needed and then only because the rest of them were too lazy to learn even half of what he knew how to do in his sleep. But, then again, that was why they'd stopped sending him out in the field. It was why he was never considered anyone's partner.

He'd survived by accident on that fateful day when Kate did not. He'd seen a lot of death in his time on the team; been affected by all of it; Jenny's death, Tony's 'death'; Gibbs' near-death and subsequent abandonment for four months. Everything he'd experienced, both good and bad; were stored in him memory with a clarity that defied the odds, considering the time span involved; all the way back to Kate's death and his accidental survival. Tim's eyes snapped open.

_"That's it! That's why! There's the answer to the question I asked Ducky and even the one I asked Gibbs!_


	9. Internal Realizations

_A/N: A very special 1,000 "Thank You"s go out to all my reviewers: _**_._** _You made my day! Your reviews make this fun to write, as well as a challenge. Thank you.  
And btw? **Adrain Lexi; **you hit the nail on the head!_

_Here's hoping you continue to like what you read. Please feel free to offer suggestions. I apologise for the grammatical errors. I am not perfect; but I do try very hard to keep the spelling right._

_enjoy!_

* * *

_"That's it! That's why! There's the answer to the question I asked Ducky: _

_"Why else would my team always be there for each other; in times like this; but everytime I look around when I'm going through something like this; or even when I get hurt on the job; there's nobody even asking about how I'm doing; like you are now; like you always do?"_

_And even the one I asked Gibbs: __"Why did that earn me the distinction of being the one nobody gave a damn about?"_

* * *

Opening up his laptop, Tim quickly typed out two emails. As he double checked what he wanted to send he found himself happy with his work and sent it on; set up to be delivered at specified times. Briefly, he took out his cell phone and did the same thing with a single text message. Happy to have that done, he put everything back away and settled back in his seat.

* * *

Gibbs had given the remainder of his team a rare dose of lattitude; the space to think and the room to breathe after he handed them their goodbye letter from Tim. Having read his own letter from his former agent, Gibbs could only hope they were experiencing a better sense of closure than he was. His own gut was churning, the sense of things not being right settling like a dead weight. But, then again, Gibbs admitted to himself with a royal mental headslap, he had obviously had this coming for a long time now. Thinking back on everything Tim had finally gotten off his chest in his goodbye letter; it seemed that Gibbs had experienced his own miracle; in the fact that Tim McGee had stayed as long as he had and put up with as much as he had.

Everyone always assumed that Gibbs only thought of Tony as a son. Why didn't it occur to anyone that Gibbs treasured Tim just as much? Tim was also like a son to him and maybe the answer lie in the fact that Tim obviously didn't feel that connection himself. Had Gibbs been more obvious in his concern and sympathy for Tony over the years than Tim? Well, yeah, he had. But, it had never occurred to him that Tim didn't realize he was just as important to Gibbs; to the team, as Tony was.

Tony found himself suspiscious. Gibbs had left him and the others alone for the last three hours now. What the hell was going on? Unable to stand the unusual way things were going on; he piped up.

"Boss?"

"Yeah, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked distractedly.

"Everything okay?" Tony pushed his luck; needing to hear the words."I mean, besides Probie leaving and all?"

Gibbs silently looked at him with a touch of anger and a touch of regret mixed together before pointedly looking over at Tim's desk.

"I know, Boss. How can anything be okay when Probie's left us like this, right?" Tony asked with painful resignation.

"Dunno, Tony." Gibbs answered as he got up and headed out of the squad room to get more coffee. As he came back into the squad room, his cell phone beeped. Gibbs looked at it strangely. He knew he hated the electronic gadetry they had to work with; but when it made new sounds that he was unfamiliar with; even after he'd learned how to operate the damn thing a while ago; it only frustrated him.

"DiNozzo! Figure out what's wrong with this damn thing, will ya?" Gibbs asked, tossing his phone at the younger man. Normally, he would have made it an order; but already, this wake-up call of Tim's was producing small changes in the way Gibbs saw fit to get things done.

Tony caught the flying cell phone and checked out its' status. After a mere half-minute, Tony walked back over to the boss' desk and told him.

"Boss, there's nothing wrong with your phone. You have a text message."

"A text message? I don't get text messages! Delete it!

"Boss?" Tony asked in shock. Surely the man would wanna know how it was from?

Who the hell would send me a text message?" Gibbs tone of voice was clearly asking a legitmate question.

Tony obliged the man and opened the text message for him. "Um. Boss?"

"Delete it, DiNozzo!" Gibbs snapped, suddenly loosing patience with what he'd assumed was a waste of time.

"Boss, it's ..."

"Tony!"

"...From McGee" Tony fought to be heard.

Gibbs snapped his mouth shut and shot Tony an apologetic look while he put his hand out for his phone.

* * *

Tim's eyes closed once again as he attempted this time, to find some rest. setting about emptying his mind enough to relax. The attempt was once again, fitful and not completely successful and it left him tense and anxious to get to his parents' house; away from the world where he had to be polite and self-controlled. He felt neither of those things at the moment; both in precious short supply. He was tired of faking his way through; he needed some rest. Tim wanted to simply fall off the grid. As the plane touched down, the young man finally found the ability to breathe easier. Four hours ago, he'd been in a different world. Now he was home.

* * *

Gibbs suddenly felt the need for exercise and fresh air. Once he'd taken himself outside to the bench by the water he knew his former agent had so often sought for his own solace, Gibbs sat down and opened the text message from Tim.

_'Boss, I can only hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me. - McGee_

Immediately, Gibbs whipped out his cell phone and hit the speed dial # for his former agent.

_"At the subscriber's request, this # is not accepting incoming calls."_

_"What?" _

Gibbs blew out a breath of frustration as he stood up, put his phone away and took himself back inside. Abby would know how to get in touch with McGee. Gibbs suddenly felt the overwhelming need to talk to Tim. Something felt wrong; incredibly wrong. As he made his wa down to the lab; Gibbs sent up a silent hope and prayer that the young man was okay. Even more, he prayed that Tim would reach out to someone for help, a shoulder to cry on; an ear to listen to.

Even if he wasn't the crying type; Gibbs now realized that Tim had been much more devastated by what had happened to him yesterday than any of them had even realized. Knowing Tim's sensitive soul had been severely trampled on, again, brought the sleeping parental lion to wakefulness. Why had he been asleep all this time? Where had he been when Tim had been going through so much over the years? He knew that it was too much, too little and too late; but all he could do now was try his damnedest to reach out to the young man and not let him think he had to be alone.

Walking inot the lab, Gibbs wasn't surprised to hear silence. When his Forensic Scientist was upset, she refused to allow herself to be happy with music. It was to be expected that Tim's leaving would be really hard on her. When she and Tim had dated before Gibbs drafted him to his team, they'd been good for each other. When she'd broken things off with the young man, the team had figured that it had been because of Gibbs' rule #12 and respected thier privacy about it. They had all been well aware and tuned in to how much Tim had continued to care deeply for Abby. This turn of events had to be really hard on both of them.

Gibbs was surprised to find his surrogate younger daughter at her desk, with her head down on her folded arms, sobbing. The most surprising thing that met Gibbs though, was her closed and locked inner office door. She had obviously really needed her sense of sanctuary Knowing she needed time to deal with things, he wrote her a note and stuck it on her door, making sure to knock loud enough on her door that she would hear it above her crying, before leaving her alone.

At the sound of a knock on her door, Abby forced herself to stop crying and pick her head up. Drying her eyes, she saw the note on her door and got up to immediately check. Who wanted something from her? They didn't have a case right now. Gibbs would have told her himself if they did. Reaching the door, she read the note:

_Abbs:_

_Need to talk to you. - G_

* * *

Unlocking the door as quickly as she could, Abby stepped into her working lab, immediately half whispered, half sobbed, "Gibbs?"

As he stepped out from behind her, he wrapped his arms around her. Abby immediatelyturned and launched herself into her surroagte father's arms; the grieving child looking to her 'parent' for comfort.

"Abby, it'll be okay." he attempted to soothe her.

"No! Gibbs, it won't be okay! He said he can't handle being around me right now! What the hell does that mean?" Abby cried.

"Abby, you know what it means. It means he's finally standing up for himself; for what he needs." Gibbs patiently told her, hoping she would accept that this was what Tim needed.

"Why aren't you crushed that he's gone? I'm crushed that he's gone! I mean, I know you're not 'crushed'; but you're not even upset!" Abby accused. "Why aren't you upset that he's gone, Gibbs?" Abby demanded.

"Abby, Tim did what he needed to do for himself. It was bout damn time that he did, too. Maybe, if he'd figured out to do it sooner, especially when we didn't, things wouldn't have turned out this way." Gibbs told her with regret.

"Gibbs! This is NOT his fault!"

"Wasn't tryin to say it was, Abbs. Just that I don't have to like his methods to understand why he did it." Gibbs clarified.

"You knew he was leavin!" Abby accused, still on a heart-breakingingly angry roll that left all thoughts of watching what she said in the dust.

"You know better than that." Gibbs reminded her quietly. "But, even if I had known, I wouldn't have said anything, if McGee had asked me not to, Abby." Gibbs' patience was running thin. He didn't appreciate the accusations; especially given the whole ball of wax Tim had written out for him to think about and figure out how to fix.

"He didn't talk to you first?" Abby was shocked.

"Abby, he's not here. He still knows how to reach us. He'll talk to us when he's ready." Gibbs renewed his own belief in his words, knocking all thoughts of breaking Tim's requested seclusion out of his mind. He needed to respect Tim's wishes, no matter how badly he wanted to reach out to him.

"How can you be sure?" Abby asked with so much doubt it was obvious she didn't believe it for a second.

"Because, he's McGee." Gibbs reminded her clearly.

"You are so right, Gibbs! McGee loves us, all of us." Abby reminded herself.

Gibbs smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek before he left her lab.

"He would never completely abandon us! He'll stay in touch! He loves us too much to turn his back on us completely." Abby continued to remind herself of Tim's good qualities.

* * *

"Jethro, what brings you to our humble abode? I can only surmise since we don't currently have a body or even a case; that you've come for answers of a different kind." Ducky greeted Gibbs as the younger man entered Autopsy.

"Duck, you heard from McGee since he left?"

"Jethro, the young man's been gone less than four hours. Surely, you aren''t expecting to heaar from us already?" Ducky asked in bewilderment.

"Yeah, Duck, I know. I got a text message from him. He's never sent me one before. He knows I hate em." Gibbs shared.

"Well, what did it say, may I ask?" Ducky pursued the conversation.

"Not important. right now." Gibbs dodged the question. "If you do have a way to get in touch with him, let me know, will ya, Duck? I'd like to get him a message., soon." Gibbs persisted.

"Certainly, Jeth...." Ducky began to answer but was interrupted by Jimmy from across the room.

"Dr. Mallard, you wanted to know when you recieved an email from Agent McGee. You just did!" Jimmy alerted the M.E.

"Thank you, Mr. Palmer. That will be all for this morning. Why don't you go out and get yourself some lunch?" Ducky pointedly suggested.

"Oh, yes, Dr." Jimmy fled Autopsy, knowing the two older men needed to talk in privacy.

Ducky looked at Gibbs meaningfully before he walked across the room and sat down. As he opened the email and began to read it, sorrow filled the M.E.'s eyes and he exclaimed"

"Oh, Timothy!"


	10. Trying to Hold On

_As he opened the email and began to read it, sorrow filled the M.E.'s eyes and he exclaimed"_

_"Oh, Timothy!"_

* * *

"Ducky!" Gibbs' alarm was evident.

Silently, Ducky gestured for the younger man to come over and read what was in front of him, since he'd found no request for confidentiality. In addition, Ducky knew that Gibbs was one of the few people who could fix this and that wouldn't happen unless the Senior Agent knew what he was dealing with.

Gibbs' own eyes filled with sorrow and his heart broke as he read the words his youngest field agent had sent across cyperspace to Ducky; but even worse, what he obviously believed to be true. He really needed to talk to Tim now. It was killing him that Tim would actually think this. To know that the young man had carried this belief with him for the last 6 years, ate a hole in Gibbs' heart.

"Duck, you are gonna answer this?" Gibbs demanded.

"Certainly, Jethro." Ducky was surprised the younger man even had to ask.

"Need you to give him a message for me when you do." Gibbs said with the tone he usually reserved for Tony when he was pissed.

"Certainly, Jethro." Ducky knew he had to help this situation become improved and fast.

"Tell him for me, that There is nothing for him to apologise for. Nothing he needs to be forgiven for." Gibbs relayed.

"All right. I will get on it right away." Ducky promised.

"And, Duck? Make sure you tell him that I'm ready to listen if he wants to talk." Gibbs requested.

"Certainly, Jethro."

"Thanks, Duck. Let me know if he answers it, will ya?" Gibbs asked as he turned and headed out of Autopsy.

After Jethro left, Ducky found himself re-reading the email from Timothy; needing to confirm it said what his troubled mind thought it had said:

_Ducky:_

_You remember the question I asked you before I left?_

_**"Why else would my team always be there for each other; in times like this; but everytime I look around when I'm going through something like this; or even when I get hurt on the job; there's nobody even asking about how I'm doing; like you are now; like you always do?"**_

_And even the one I asked Gibbs a similar question in the letter I left for him: __"**Why did that earn me the distinction of being the one nobody gave a damn about?"**_

_Would you believe I figured out the answer to both questions? That's right one answer to both questions! The only thing I can't figure out is why id took me so damn long to put it all together in the first place._

_But, a__ll the harrassment and callous attitudes, the indifference, the 'not good enough to be anyone's partner' all makes sense now._

_I survived by accident on that fateful day when Kate did not._

_They loved her. She was a part of them. I was not. All the guilt in the world that consumed me over this, made no difference._

_I was the newbie nobody wanted. Hell, Tony felt so threatened, it oozed from his ridicule and harrassment._

_I only stayed; stuck it out because of Gibbs. He believed in me; at least he had at first._

_For some reason, Ducky, that was the thread I held onto for all these years. One day at a time._

_But, I can't hold on to that thread anymore. It broke yesterday._

_There's nothing left for me to hold onto there._

_Thanks for listening once again._

_Look after them for me, please._

_Tim._

_

* * *

_

Ducky immediately dispatched a reply to the distraught young man. This needed to be fixed yesterday! His heart was breaking for the young man and where his brilliant mind had taken him by deductive reasoning and thinking process. Ducky would not rest until he'd done all he could to set things on the right course.

_Timothy:_

_While I am extrememly relieved and thankful that you have chosen to stay in touch with me and share your thoughts and conclusions with me, I find myself most unhappy that you actually believe in your "discovered" answer to both unpleasant questions._

_Timothy, there is no justification, as I am sure you are well aware, for the way you were treated during your tenure on Gibbs' team. It saddens me tremendously that you believe that the treatment you recieved was the direct result of someone's resentment that you survived where and when Caitlyn did not._

_I beg of you; do not entertain that dreadful and purely painful conclusion for even another moment! It is simply not true._

_I must apologise in advance, if your email was meant to be in confidence. Jethro has been concerned about you and asked if I had heard from you. Since you will need to work through some of these issues with him before you can heal, I felt it prudent that he be aware of what you had 'discovered'._

_He has asked me to relay a message to you. He has asked that I tell you:_

_"There is nothing for him to apologise for. Nothing he needs to be forgiven for. And, I'm ready to listen if he wants to talk." _

_Timothy, I realize you have a lot of pain and hurt buried inside, you've kept it buried all this time. It is time, you unburied it and cleared the air between the two of you. Both of you mean too much to each other to leave things like this. It certainly won't help you heal. It won't help either of you heal._

_I know it seems like an unsurmountable hurdle for you to get across, but you must believe you can do it, Timothy. It is the only way._

_Please continue to keep in touch. Find a way within yourself to unburden your heart to those who care about you. _

_Remember, you are not alone._

_Sincerely,_

_Ducky._

_

* * *

_

Tim opened his email on the way from the airport to his parents' house. As he read Ducky's response, he felt the tears slide down his face. It was easy for Ducky to tell him his conclusion was wrong. It was what Tim had expected the M.E. to say. That didn't mean he was wrong. Gibbs was worried about him? That was doubtful, too. Knowing he needed to do this before he reached his parents' house, Tim quickly fired off a response.

_Ducky:_

_Thank you for your concern, Please don't worry, I will be okay._

_Before I can believe that Gibbs isn't angry at me, I need to know he even read the letter I left for him. I_

_t's not that you or even he would lie to me. It's that I know what I wrote and I know Gibbs. He is who he is and it is not his style to forgive quite so easy. In fact, given the circumstances, I can't think of any reason he would not be angry with me. How would it be possible for him not to be angry with me when I went behind his back the way I did?_

_Either he is still extremely pissed at me or he's not angry at all because he simply just doesn't care. After all; isn't that what they say? People only get angry with you if they care about you?_

_I'm not upset that you let him read my email to you. In fact, I'm kind of relieved. Now, at least, it's something I won't ever have to repeat to anyone again._

_Thank you again, for everything._

_Tim_

* * *

Ducky was relieved to hear from the young man again. He was also relieved that he did not sound like he was looking for any desperate measures to end his current situation. However, he needed to be certain of it. Quickly, he sent a quick reply:

_Timothy:_

_Please tell me that you will talk to your parents and whoever else you need to in order to help you sort these things out._

_Don't hesitate to call Jethro. After all, he needs to clear the air with you as much, if not more, than you need to do so with him._

_He read your letter and he understands your need to stand up for yourself. He may not have liked the way you went about it, but he is not angry with you for doing it. He is concerned about you. _

Do stay in touch,

Ducky

* * *

Tim chuckled when he recieved a lightening quick response from Ducky. But, when he read it, the laughter quickly left him. Ducky thought he was so hurt and angry that he was gonna hurt himself? Why would he think that? That would be spitting in the face of everything he'd been taught and had learned throughout the course of his lifetime. He couldn't do that to his father or to Gibbs. It didn't matter how hurt or angry he was at the man.

_"Ducky"_

_I'm not going to hurt myself. It's obvious you're worried about that. Please don't be._

_I'm going to talk to my parents. That's the whole reason I came home. I will talk to Gibbs, if it will ease your mind._

_Thank you for worrying. You can stop now. I'm almost home._

_Thankfully,_

_Tim._

* * *

Ducky was able to breathe easier when he recieved Timothy's response. He was happy at the prospect of the young man speaking to Gibbs again. It was a necessary step in the right direction. Knowing he would hear about it in the end, Ducky set about getting some work done so he'd be free to listen when the time came.

* * *

Ziva continued to maintain her silent state of anger throughout the hours since McGee's departure. While her heart was seemingly crushed that her friend had abandoned his friends and work family; her Mossad training was holding her in good stead. She was able to focus on McGee's good qualities. Tim McGee had strength of character, patience, compassion, loyalty, integrety and honesty. When he considered you a friend, he didn't turn his back on you, ever. He was always there for his friends, even when they failed to recognise the need for him to be there. It was these qualities that made Tim McGee who he was and that person would be back. That person didn't abandon his family.

But, then again, when that same family seemed to repeatedly abandon or neglect you, it creates quite a different picture. Different circumstances present themsevles; creating different choices. Nothing about this situation would be considered normal. With that in mind,, one had to see how normal options just wouldn't even come into consideration here. Of course, McGee would have had to think of something unusual as the answer to everything that had plagued him at once.

Ziva understood why McGee had chosen to run instead of staying and talking. Talking would not have helped his broken heart. Who, after all, would he have thought would listen? While she was puzzled and hurt that he had not come to her with his problems; she recognised this for what it signified. Obviously, Tim had been carrying something around that he did not think she was capable of understanding. Talking certainly would not have given him back the pieces of himself he had most likely lost as he'd been used and almost killed for some outlandish higher cause. No, McGee wasn't running away, Ziva chided herself. He was going to the one place he felt safe. He was going home to the people who loved him unconditionally. She could only hope that her friend would find the comfort and security he needed when he got there. She also hoped that his family would be able to help him find the healing he so desperately needed.

* * *

Abby felt an overwhelming sense of relief when she heard that Tim was in fact staying in touch with Ducky. Finally, after more than three hours of feeling distressed and heartbroken, she was able to put it all away somehow and get back to work. Inventory. Ugh!

* * *

Tony felt a sense of relief just seeing the more settled and calm expression on Gibbs' face when he came back from Autopsy. Hearing Gibbs' side of the conversation with Ducky a few minutes ago had helped, too. Apparently, Probie was continuing to respond to the M.E.'s emails and all was, so far, okay with the kid. Earlier, while Gibbs had been down with Ducky, Tony had taken Ziva aside and talked to her about Probie's bizarre behavior as well as his leaving. Surprisingly enough, it had been Ziva who had been the more clear heaed about the whole mess. Ziva had helped Tony understand more and fume less. Ziva had made sense and had somehow helped Tony make sense of Probie's decision and his choices.

Now that he understood why little brother ran, Tony was also able to see why little brother hadn't talked to anyone instead. Here Tony was calling him little brother, but it had been glaringly obvious that Tim didn't feel connected to Tony that way. Why hadn't he realized that Tim wouldn't see it unless Tony made it more clear to him? He'd had six years to prove it to him; to show him, and he hadn' done it. Yeah, Tony's own sense of culpability was steadily getting stronger and the Senior Field Agent wasn't liking what he was finally seeing.

Watching Tony settle back down at his desk, Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. Here it was, almost four hours since Tim had left and his team was just finally settling back down to where they could function and think about work again. Shaking his head at his own permissiveness, Gibbs had to admit to himself that it was his own fault. He had allowed them free reign after giving them those letters from their teammate. Truth be told, it was only the knowledge and trust in Ducky's ongoing communication with his former agent that was keeping Gibbs focused back on work himself. Looking at Tony and Ziva again, he was pleased to see they once again seemed able to focus on the cold cases on thier desks, as well.

It wasn't long however, before the peaceful silence that had returned to the squad room, was once again broken, this time, by the sound of a harshly indrawn breath from across the room. Looking up, Gibbs saw Tony almost jump to his feet as he stared at his computer screen. Seconds later, his Senior Field Agent looked as white as a ghost as he ran from the squad room looking like he'd just lost his best friend.

Concerned, Gibbs got up and approached Tony's computer. While Gibbs wasn't liking what he was seeing, he understood both the point of view of the sender and Tony's reaction.

_Tony:_

_I figured out why you've hated me all these years. For the first two years, it was because you felt threatened when Gibbs brought me on to the team. I understood that. Although why you felt threatened by geeky me who couldn't ever do anything right, was beyond me. All this time I thought you lived to make my life hell because Gibbs was letting you get by with it. I just figured out that between the two, feeling threatened obviously won out with you._

_Then we lost Kate, instead of me. That freakish mistake, that horrible twist of timing and fate forever changed all of our lives and forever lined the crosshairs of your anger and resentment up on my forehead. Gibbs' crosshairs too._

_I get it now. I am so sorry I didn't get it sooner._

_I'm so sorry I ruined your life by being the one who survived that day, the one who came home that day, instead of Kate._

_I will tell you what I told Gibbs._

_I can only hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me. _

_- McGee_


	11. Reaching Out

_His Senior Field Agent looked as white as a ghost as he ran from the squad room looking like he'd just lost his best friend._

* * *

Gibbs gave Tony the time and space he obviously needed. Thankfully, it was only a cold case day anyway. Right now, it was time to worry about DiNozzo. He had just been pretty much sucker-punched. While Gibbs understood McGee, right now, if the kid had been here, he would been given a healthy wallop of a head slap for this. But, then again, if he was here, none of this would be happening in the first place. Tim's conclusions were cause for grave concern. Having seen with his own eyes, Tim's validation of what he'd sent to Gibbs in that text message broke a peice of Gibbs' heart off, sending it crumbling through his soul. Seeing what Tim's conclusion was doing to Tony hurt just as much.

While he was concerned for Tony, he also knew Tony needed to handle this in his own way. When thirty minutes had gone by and his agent still hadn't returned to his desk, however, Gibbs called him. When he got voicemail he became concerned. Calling the M.E. he inquired as to any sighting of the young man.

"Yes, Jethro, he's right here. I'll send him back up when I am able to do so." Ducky said crptically.

"Okay, Duck. Thanks." Gibbs let it go. Tony had obviously gone to Ducky to talk. They all knew that McGee had confided in their M.E. It made sense that Tony would seek him out to help work through this. Getting his coffee cup off his desk, he headed out for more coffee. When he came back, he noticed he'd gotten another email. Damn it, he was ready to pack it in and call it a day. Right now, it didn't even matter that it was only 4 pm. With a resignated sigh, Gibbs sat down at his desk and opened his email. Not entirely surprising, it was from McGee.

_Boss:_

_Ducky tells me that you said I have nothing to apologise for and that you're not angry with me. I guess that means you're just too angry to recognise it for what it is? Or maybe it's that you no longer care? After all, they say you only get angry at the people you care about. It's okay. I understand. I screwed up. The royal screw ups of all screw ups. I get it._

_Ducky was pretty insistent that I talk to you. But, given everything I've finally gotten off my chest and dumped in your lap, I can't imagine that you'd even want to talk to me. So, even though I know you hate email- if you want to hear from me - this is the best I can do._

_Unless I've just totally misread you and the depth of the crap hole I've dug myself into with you; I don' even know what I would say to you. I would most likely be the same bumbling idiot you took on those six years ago. And we all know how frustrated you were about it then, I don't think either of us wants to relive that._

_Have I told you yet, how sorry I am for all of this?_

_Tim_

* * *

Gibbs was flabbergasted. Would this kid ever stop getting mired in guilt and negative crap? While he didn't want Tim to keep thinking along the lines he was obviously stuck in at the moment, Gibbs also didn't want to fire off a response that would make the situation worse for either of them. He needed to think. There was no doubt that Tim was wrong about Gibbs not caring about him. He did care. Realizing too late that he hadn't shown it enough did not mean he didn't care. It wasn't even that he hadn't shown it enough; more like he hadn't shown it enough to the more sensitive member of his team who lived to make his boss proud of him. That hadn't been any secret and yet, Gibbs had exploited that about Tim, instead of appreciating it more openly. He'd done the same thing with his pride. Whenever he was proud of his team, and it was on far more occassions than he had ever let on; he'd simply felt it on the insde; rarely expressing it or even showing it to the ones who'd earned it.

But, right now, he had a more important hurdle to get over and thankfully, it was smaller. God knows, the bigger ones were just around the corner. Settling into his chair more comfortably, Gibbs typed out his response. He'd wanted this chance to talk to Tim. Now he had it. He could only hope he didn't blow his chance to open the door of communication wider between them. Somehow, he had to get this kid to understand that his conclusions were wrong. That all was not what they seemed. His logic was flawed and the additional pain it was creating was not necessary.

_Tim:_

_If this is the form of communication you need to use to reach me, I accept it without problem._

_I am not angry with you. _

_I understand that I let you down. You felt you had no one to turn to, no one to talk to, and you needed to get away from what was hurting you._

_You know I've been there. And while our situations are hugely different. _

_I understand that pain still hurts. _

_What I don't understand is how you came to the conclusion that you did. _

_You have always been a valuable and irreplacable member of this team. _

_I am sorry I ever gave you cause to think differently; to think that I thought differently. It was never my intention to do so._

_There isn't now; nor has there ever been any reason whatsoever for you to have to aplogise for what happened to Kate._

_Her death was not your fault. _

_I know you carried that guilt oround with you, wore it next to your heart like a 2nd skin. There's nothing I can say to take that away from you or make you stop feeling it. None of us can._

_You have to see it and believe it for yourself. Kate's death was not your fault._

_You need to stop blaming you. I never blamed you. Ever._

__

_While I don't know how to convince you of that, I do hope you will at least stop focusing on it; stop telling youself that it's true._

I can understand why you would be convinced that I did. For the pain that must have caused you, I am sorry.

_You said that we both know that my door was never open for you. _

_It is. Feel free to use it. Anythime._

_My phone still works too. Anytime._

_Promise me you will not try to work through this alone._

_Stay in touch, please._

_Gibbs_

_

* * *

_

Tim read Gibbs' response with a touch of a smile. He knew Gibbs was honest. He wouldn't tell him something he didn't mean. And, so while his heart still hurt and the pain was still real and deep, he could at least concentrate on himself now, knowing that the team was no longer worried about him, and for the most part, no longer even pissed at him. Now, rolling his shoulders, Tim braced himself to deal with his mother's questions and his father's lecture. After all, he'd run from his problems this time, even if it was because he needed thier support, Tim knew he'd have to explain things well in order to be understood when it came to his decision to come home.

Walking into the house, Tim was suprised by how eerily quiet it was. Where were his parents? When he reached the parlor, he found the once a week housekeeper steadily dusting away. "Maria? Where are my parents?" Tim asked her.

"Oh, Mr. McGee! Your parents have gone on a trip. Come, I will show you." the older woman told him with a smile as she led him into the kitchen. Pointing to a brochure on the countertop, Tim was flabbergasted. His parents hadn't said anything to him about this trip! Why wouldn't they have told him about it? They always told him when they were going overseas.

"Maria? Why didn't they tell me they were going on this trip?" Tim asked with a touch of concern and anger.

"I do not know, Mr. McGee. But I do know they left a note for you." she dug through the stack of mail on the counter and pulled out a piece of paper with his mother's handwriting on it.

_Tim;_

_Sorry we're not able to be home for you, but we couldn't pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity to travel on an all expense paid trip - and a two month long safari at that!_

_I know you said you needed to talk to us, son. But, just call us. our itenary is in the library under the phone. You should have no trouble reaching us at one of our hotel rooms, darling._

_We love you. _

_We are so proud of the work you're doing at NCIS._

_Love_

_Mom and Dad._

_P.S. We should be home in 6 weeks. We'll call and let you know exactly when we're returning as that date gets closer._

* * *

Tim felt his world shatter at his feet. His parents were unreachable, physically. That's what mattered the most. He'd come home for his parents' love and support, hugs and embraces and now he had nothing. Doing his best to hold it all in, he turned to the housekeeper one more time.

"Where's my sister? Does she know about this?"

"Yes, Mr. McGee, Ms. McGee is traveling with friends for the week. She will be stopping by here on Sunday before she returns to school."

"Thank you, Maria. Would you please go ahead and call it a day? You don't have to worry about coming back in to finish anything. Can you just come back again on your regular day next Friday? I might still be here, might not." Tim requested. "I'll be here at least until Sara comes back."

"Okay, Mr. McGee. I'm sorry your parents weren't here to greet you. Enjoy your visit home. It's nice to see you again."

"Thank you . Nice to see you again, too."

For all of thirty seconds after the woman left; Tim managed to hold it in. When his control broke, it broke wide. As he threw himself down on his parents' bed, he allowed himself to let go. The tears, the sobbs, the anger, the grief, the loss, the loneliness, the pain. All of it came out in waves. It wasn't long before emotional release became exhausted slumber. For the first time in a very long time, Tim slept straight through the afternoon and on into the night.

* * *

Somehow, the team managed to make it through the rest of the work day, calling it a night at seven. Tony had silently followed Gibbs home, obviously needing to either talk or not be alone, or both. Gibbs didn't mind. In fact, he was thankful Tony had enough fortitude to realize he needed something and the whatever it was, he could find it at Gibbs' house.

As the evening wore on, Tony remained locked in silence, apparently, just needing to ground himself in silent company. Gibbs obliged him. Making sure he ate and leaving the tv remote where the young man would be sure to find it, he brought pillows and a blanket for the couch, letting Tony know he could get comfortable, before heading down to the basement to work out his own frustrations. Now that his boat was gone, he needed to find something to occupy his hands and his mind. Quickly, he set about getting a huge head start on next year's toys for the hospital kids.

* * *

Three AM and Tim found himself awake and disorientated. Sitting up in a bed that was bigger than his own, in a room that was definatetly not his own, it took him a good couple of minutes before he found his bearings and remembered where he was. Once he was properly back in balance, he got up and made his way out to his car; retrieving his laptop and his luggage. Forcing himself to go through the motions, he set up a pot of coffee to to brew and set up his computer. Taking a few minutes to jump in the shower, he got dressed in his comfortable sweats and t-shirt before padding back to the kitchen for his coffee and sitting down at his computer.

Checking through his email, he was surprised to find none from the team. The last one he'd gotten had been from Gibbs. Slowly, he re-read it, trying to put his head back into the situation he needed to be working through. His father was umpteen miliion miles away. His surrogate father was closer. Somehow, his anger at Gibbs had fizzled out since he'd left the man standing outside NCIS yesterday. Now, he felt like he needed to hear that the man still cared. That he did indeed mean that his door was open to him and his phone still worked. The anytime would be the test, even though testing the man was not the primary concern right now. Needing to hear the voice of reason, one that gave a damn about him, was.

* * *

Sitting in the near dark, drinking his coffee, contemplating the events of the last 72 hours for his team. Gibbs couldn't help but feel less than pleased with the way things were at the moment. He'd fought hard to get what he wanted with Vance, but he was a long way from accomplishing the end result of that mission. The rest of his team was beginning to settle in and adjust to life without McGee. Tony was the one who needed to be helped through the hurdle that had been thrown down in front of him. That would take time and paitence and a great deal of understanding.

Suddenly, Gibbs was startled out of his thoughts, as his cell phone rang. Snatching it up, he quietly cursed. Damn it! _Who the hell would be calling him at this hour? _

Taking a quick second to look at the caller i.d, as his brain registered what he was reading, Gibbs could only smile

Tim McGee had trusted him to keep his word.


	12. Breaking Through

_A/N: Not my usual thing; a long conversation between Tim and Gibbs. I apologise upfront if I got it wrong. But, when stressful things happen, people do tend to act differently than usual. If I went too far outside the box on this, I apologise._

_

* * *

_

_Tim McGee had trusted him to keep his word._

* * *

"McGee? You okay?" Gibbs uncustomary greeting filled with concern threw Tim off. Obviously the man had looked at his caller id this time. Well, who could blame him, it was almost 4 in the morning.

_"I dunno, Boss. My parents are gone. Overseas on a trip for the next two months."_ Tim couldn't keep the lonliness out of his voice any more than he could keep the honesty out of his answer.

"You went home to talk with them and they're not there." Gibbs commiserated with him. He didn't care that it was 4 in the morning. His youngest surrogate son had reached out to him, and thankfully, he hadn't been asleep at the time. Things would have gone downhill real quick if h'e answered the phone grumpy with sleep. He was more than happy to be available for the young man right now. The very fact that it was an ungodly hour, spoke volumes of the need Tim had to have someone to talk to right now. The fact that the young man had chosen to extend his trust to Gibbs, one more time, gave his former boss hope for the future and determination not to let this young man down again. Gibbs needed to prove to Tim, that he could count on his former boss.

_"Yeah."_ Tim's sorrow was unmistakable.

"What are you gonna do, now?" Gibbs asked sympathetically.

_"Dunno. Sara's coming back from her vacation on Sunday. Guess I'll stay here til then."_ Tim admitted with resignation. Clearly, he didn't want to even do that.

"Tim. You don't have to stay up there alone." Gibbs reminded him.

_"I think maybe it'll help me think some things through, Boss."_ Tim grudingly admitted.

"You know, with the way that computer brain of yours thinks, you could be setting yourself up for some serious trouble, trying to think things through alone. I've seen how your mind sends your thoughts spiralling out of control pretty damn quick, sometimes, Tim." Gibbs reminded him, not at all happy with the idea of Tim being alone with all of his troubles brewing around in his head.

"Boss, _you really aren't pissed at me?"_ Tim carefully changed the subject, suddenly needing to hear verbal confirmation of Gibbs written words.

"McGee! I told you already. I am not pissed at you, but if you keep hounding this into the ground, that'll change quick." Gibbs warned.

_"Sorry, Boss. I guess I just needed to hear you say it."_ Tim apologised with shame in his voice. The last thing he wanted to do was piss Gibbs off, especially if the guy was willing to talk to him at this hour of the morning.

"It's okay, Tim. I understand. Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?" Gibbs patiently redirected the conversation.

_"Kate."_ Tim whispered with brutal honesty, knowing Gibbs would probably end the conversation right then and there. He'd just blown his chance to talk to Gibbs, man to man.

"It's all right, Tim. We can talk about it." his former boss promised. He hated talking about the people he'd loved and lost. But, he knew that this time, it was something he needed to do so his team members could heal hurts they hadn't known were still festering.

_"You really meant it; you never blamed me, Boss?"_ Tim asked with sorrow and disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah, Tim I meant it. I never blamed you. Ever. I wish you had come to me about this a hell ofa lot sooner. We could have worked through this." Gibbs told him.

"_How? You and I never talked about anything like that, Boss."_ Tim sadly reminded him. _"We've never been able to talk like this about anything before."_

"I know, Tim and for that I'm sorry, too. A lot of things should have been handled differently but I was too blind to sse the damage being done." Gibbs' voice was full of regret.

_"What was it, Boss? What is it? Why is it, you and I can't even talk like this in person?"_ Tim asked with regret so deep, Gibbs could feel it through the phone.

"I dunno, Tim. maybe it's because I see so much of myself in Tony, it's easier for me to relate to him. He's been here longer, and he seems to need more watching." Gibbs tried to reason.

_"I guess I can understand that. But, I still don't get why you let me be the constant butt of everyone's jokes and pranks, Boss. You never put a stop to any of it."_ Tim's hurt began to become audible in his voice.

"Waiting for you to stand up for yourself, I guess. Tim." Gibbs tried to explain the inexcusable. "I was so used to dealing with Tony and Kate that way, it never dawned on me that my Marine training didn't work for you; only worked against you. I'll never be able to make it up to you. I'm sorry."

_"I'm keeping you from getting sleep. I'm sorry, I'll hang up now."_ Tim apologised in return, chosing to leave Gibbs apology standing alone.

"No! Tim, don't hang up; unless you don't want to continue talking." Gibbs encouraged.

_"Boss, I don't know what else to say. I know this isn't something you even like to have to do."_

"Stop worrying bout that." Gibbs quietly instructed. "You and I need to talk this out; about whatever's bothering you." Gibbs directed.

_"Now, I know you're short on sleep, Boss."_ Tim quipped, hoping he wasn't gonna lose this treasured opportunity.

"Yeah, it sounds like it, doesn't it?" Gibbs chuckled. "But, I'm serious. You've held too much in for way too long. It's why we're in this situation. Why you walked away from the team." Gibbs reminded him.

_"No, Boss. Not entirely."_ Tim softly corrected him.

"Talk me through it, Tim. What brought you to the choice you made to leave us?" Gibbs asked in concern. He was fairly sure he wasn't gonna like the answer, but he knew he needed to hear it.

_"Amanda."_ Tim painfully admitted.

"You left because she almost killed you."

_"No. I left because my stupidity could have cost the team dearly. She came to the squad room, Boss!"_

"McGee, it wasn't your fault she was there." Gibbs reminded him patiently. The last thing Tim needed was something else to feel responsible for. Especially when it came to this. This thing with this girl had hurt Tim deeply, they all knew that, now. That was devastating enough for the young man. He certainly did not need this on top of it.

"_Doesn't matter, Boss. I allowed myself to fall for her so fast, it defied logical reasoning. That's not supposed to happen with our jobs."_ Tim firmly shouldered the blame. "_We're not supposed to allow that to happen in our personal lives, Boss."_

"No, Tim. No, we're not. But, we are human and it does happen. The important thing here was that you came to your senses and you recognised that something wasn't right about her, before it was too late." Gibbs reminded him.

_"She almost killed me, Boss."_ Tim's pain was even more audible now_. "I can't go through this again."_

"Again?"

_"I suck at burying stuff, Boss. I'm not capable of living with it like you do or Tony does. It took me a long time to learn to live with getting my heart broken the first time."_ Tim admitted guiltily_. "I kept expecting you to write me up every day, I was so unfocused."_

"I remember, Tim. But, you were still trying to find your feet on the team, so I was trying to be patient." Gibbs flashed back.

_"And that was just when Abby broke up with me, Boss! If I hadn't left yesterday, when I did, you'd of had my badge by the end of the day."_ Tim worried_._

"You know better than that, McGee. I may have come down on you hard, but it would have been to get your head back on straight. If you needed time for that, all you had to do was ask." Gibbs told him_._ "There's no shame in feeling the pain when you're heart's been stepped on, Tim."

_"Guess, I thought you should've known I would need it. Stupid, huh?"_ Tim asked reluctantly, forgetting for a minute, who he was talking to. "_When everyone just seemed to act like it was all just a walk in the park and life was gonna go on all normal; it just got to be just as much about the anger that was building, as it was what she had done."_ Tim confessed; so thankful to have someone to listen that he didn't even try to filter what he said or how he said it.

Gibbs was shocked at Tim's honesty and the depth of what he was feeling, that he was willingly sharing with him.

"Tim, didn't you learn how to channel your anger better without letting it eat at you?" the older man asked quietly. "But, you're right, as well as I read most people, there's no reason I can think of for not seeing what you were going through. I misread your silence, mistook it to mean you were able to put it all away and keep going.

_"Not so easy to put in anger management into practice when you're hanging out there on that limb, Boss."_ Tim reminded him quietly.

"Are you still there?" Gibbs asked with concern. "Do you still feel like you're hanging on that limb?"

_"Yeah, Boss, I guess I do."_ Tim admitted.

"I don't want you to stay up there alone. You need to be near people you know and trust." Gibbs instructed, concern giving his voice a harder edge than he wanted to be speaking to McGee with.

_"Boss, relax, I'm okay. I just need some time." _Tim promised.

Tim, feeling like you're still on that limb is not 'okay'. " Gibbs reminded him.

_"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."_ Tim responded.

"Don't apologise for being straight with me." Gibbs directed with enough authority in his voice, he knew Tim would accept what he said.

_"Boss, I promise, I'll be fine. As long as..."_ Tim dropped his sentence, obviously wanting something but unable to ask for it.

"I'm listening." Gibbs reminded him

_"Never mind. I'll be fine."_ Tim tried to throw his backbone into his words. Gibbs didn't miss the sadness or the forced show of strength.

"McGee, just tell me what you need." Gibbs demanded while keeping his voice as quiet as he could, not wanting anything he said to come out with any hint of anger.

_"Your offer still open?"_ Tim asked hopefully.

"My door's always open and my phone's always available; even for you." Gibbs promised, finally understanding what Tim needed to hear.

"_Thanks, Boss."_ Tim's immense gratitude made Gibbs feel bad. All these years and this was all this kid had needed and hadn't gotten.

You gonna be okay up there by yourself?"

_"Yes and no."_ Tim answered with consistent honesty. "_I'll be okay so long as I can call you if I need to."_

"Like I said, Tim. Anytime." Gibbs vowed. "If you need help getting back here, you call me. You hear?" Gibbs pushed.

_"Thanks, Boss. I only bought a one way ticket."_ Tim admitted. "Start the new job in 3 weeks up here." Tim painfully reminded him.

"You call me when you're ready to come back and I'll come get you." Gibbs promised. "Even if it's just to get your stuff."

"Thanks, Boss." Tim gave back.

"You okay now?" his former boss pushed in concern.

"I'm okay, I promise." Tim vowed. "Thanks for the time, Boss."

"Anytime, Tim. Anytime. Try to get some sleep, all right?" Gibbs suggested.

"Been sleeping since I got here, Boss."

What are you gonna do?" Gibbs asked, fearing the empty time would lead into too much thinking and analyzing for the young man.

"Write, probably."

McGee. think maybe you could talk to Abby? Or Tony? They both could probably do with hearing from you." Gibbs uncharactoristically requested.

"Sure, Boss. I'll give it a try. Can't guarantee results, but I'll email them. Not really up for talking to anyone else right now." Tim conceded without giving in.

Gibbs was proud of him. "I'm proud of you. Don't ever think I'm not, Tim." with even more uncharactoristic openness, Gibbs made sure Tim knew where things stood.

"Thanks, Boss." Gibbs could hear the smile in the young man's voice as they disconnected the call.


	13. Thrown off Balance

Putting his phone away after he and Tim ended thier call, Gibbs was startled by Tony's voice: a mix of anger and concern:

"How is he?"

"He'll be okay, Tony. How bout you?" Gibbs was still concerned about his senior field agent. Now that he knew Tim was able to talk to him and had gotten some stuff off his chest; Tony was actually the one he was worried about now.

"I'm fine, Boss." Tony fibbed unsuccessfully.

"Cut the crap, DiNozzo." Gibbs directed quietly. "Just be straight with me."

"How am I supposed to be, Boss? I mean he's hurting and he almost gets killed and then he hands out this stuff he's been holding in for years. YEARS, BOSS!" Tony exploded.

"And you don't." Gibbs surmised carefully.

"What?" Tony demanded.

"You don't hold anything in? You don't have anything that you've kept from us?" Gibbs pushed.

"Not the same thing. Apples and oranges, Boss." Tony defended himself.

"Really? So then your answer to McGee's question about your resentment of him when I first brought him onto the team would be what exactly, DiNozzo?"

"Ancient History!"

Gibbs glared at him from across the room.

"Yeah, okay, so it's not so ancient and it's not history. It was for me." Tony stated. "So, what, we're supposed to drudge all this crap up from years ago just to make him feel better?" he exclaimed in frustration.

"No, DiNozzo. We don't have to do that. As a matter of fact, you don't have to do anything at all." Gibbs told him calmly.

"Good! Wait! Whattaya mean by that?" Tony was suspiscious.

"You can leave things the way they are between the two of you. That's your choice." Gibbs reasoned.

"Boss! I know the guy's going through a lot right now, but how the hell is drudging up the past gonna help any of us?" Tony asked.

"He's one of us, DiNozzo. When have you ever known me to leave one of my people behind? And don't even say Ziva. Hers was a special situation; one that she put herself in and you know it." Gibbs asked.

"I know, Boss. But, he left willingly."

"Are you sure about that? That's not what I'm hearing."

"What did he say, Boss?" Tony pleaded.

"He left because he felt responsible for Amanda finding her way to the squad room. Thinks it made him responsible for putting the team in danger." Gibbs told him honestly, knowing full well that it had been Tony who'd allowed the girl to be brought up to their work area, purely out of the sadistic desire to torment McGee about his new girlfriend. While he wasn't trying to cause Tony pain, he did need him to be aware just how much Tim was tring to deal with.

"Wait! He blames himself for that? How? Why? He knows I had her brought up to the squad room, Boss!"

"Yeah, Tony he does. But he also knows he allowed himself to fall for her too fast, without reservation or caution. He's feeling any and all responsibility he can think of right now."

"So, what are we supposed to do about it?" Tony was puzzled.

"We let him work through it. If he needs us, he'll call." Gibbs directed. "Anything you chose to do beside that is up to you. Just don't push him and don't dump any more guilt on him, DiNozzo!" Gibbs ordered.

"No, Boss. I wouldn't do that." Tony objected.

"Good. Now go back to sleep. You need the rest."

"Boss, does he really think we blame him for Kate's death?" Tony asked in anquish.

Gibbs sighed. He'd seen this one coming. "Yeah. Tony. He does."

"Did you know he felt that way?" Tony needed to know.

"Not til yesterday." Gibbs admitted.

"How are we gonna convince him we never blamed him? How the hell can you do that?"

"Just be honest with him, Tony. Give him the real answers to the questions he thinks he answered for himself. You and I know he's got it wrong. It's up to you to convince him he's wrong."

"Did you?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, Tony. But, then again, our situations are different. Yours is a harder battle to fight with him, Tony. Your sibling rivalry thing is a whole different ballgame." Gibbs reminded him.

"Don't I know it." Tony admitted with resignation as he flopped his head back down on the pillow and allowed sleep to reclaim him under Gibbs' watchful eye.

* * *

Things had settled down at work and while Vance wasn't pushing to replace Tim just yet, Gibbs felt him circling above them, watching and waiting for the right moment to swoop in and wreack havoc. Apparently, they needed to have another conversation. Why Gibbs and his entire team was at work on a Sunday, was a mystery. There was no active case at the moment and nothing was pressing for any of them. They were simply bored and needed something to do that kept them tied to Tim. It seemed to be the general unspoken mood of the day.

Tim had called every night to let Gibbs know he was okay. Nothing was going on with him, he'd been spending his days writing mindlessly, just trying to clear his head. The kid was homesick for NCIS and had even admitted it to Gibbs. Gibbs hadn't said anything in response. This was something Tim would have to do for himself. It had been several days since he'd called last and for some unknown reason, this was beginning to set off Gibbs' gut.

"Yeah, Gibbs." The Senior Agent answered his ringing cell phone on Sunday afternoon.

**"AGENT GIBBS! I NEED YOUR HELP!"**

"Sara? Sara McGee?" Gibbs guessed as he left the squad room and headed up the stairs to the Director's Office.

"Tim always said that if he was in trouble, I was to call you. You're his boss!"

"Sara, he doesn't work for me anymore." Gibbs reminded her.

**"He what? Look! He needs you!"** Sara begged.

"What's the problem?" Gibbs asked.

After listening for a long minute, Gibbs answered her.

"I'm on my way. I'll be there as quick as I can."

As he stepped into Leon's office he said

"Vance, I'll be gone the rest of the day. I'm taking Ducky with me!"

"What's the case, Gibbs?" Vance asked without blinking an eye.

"McGee."

"Gibbs…"

"Look, Leon, I'm not turning my back on him! He's still one of my people and he always will be. His sister called me. He's in trouble, I'm going."

"I was just gonna say, take all the time you need. It helps that there's no active case right now. I'll pull your team from the active roster until you get back."

"Appreciate it, Leon." Gibbs offered. "And by the way, you and I had a deal."

Gibbs then left that office and headed out of the building. On the way to his car, he called Ducky.

"Duck, I need you. Meet me out front. " Gibbs was abrupt but calm.

"Jethro?"

"No time to explain right now, I'll tell you when you get out here."

Ending that call, he immediately made another call.

"Tony, you and Ziva are on cold cases until I get back."

"Sure thing, Boss."

As they rocketed through the streets of D.C. with Gibbs' driving, he filled Ducky in on what Sara had told him.

"Good Lord, Jethro, this is worse than I had feared!" the M.E. exclaimed.

"Duck, he's been talking to me almost every night since he left. Something's happened in the last two days. That was the last time I heard from him. What the hell could have happened?"

"Jethro, he's at home with his family, isn't he?" Ducky asked.

"Unfortunately, his folks are gone; unavailable where they're traveling. They won't be back for two months. I'm the only one Sara could think of to call."

"Oh, dear!" Ducky said.

The rest of the three hour ride was made in silence; each man caught up in his own thoughts. As they arrived at the house, Sara McGee flew out of the house and into Gibbs. Reacting quickly, he wrapped his arms around her to keep them both upright.

_"Oh, Thank God, you're here!"_

"Easy, tell us what's going on." Gibbs pulled her back away from him and looked her in the eye as he asked the question.

"Nothing new since I called you, except in the last ten minutes. I've heard lots of things being broken in the last ten minutes. I'm really scared, Agent Gibbs! Tim's not a violent person, why would he be breaking stuff? And why would he destroy my parents' house?" Sara cried; panic clearly rising in her voice.

"Duck." Gibbs pointed the M.E. in Sara's direction as he made his own way to the house and followed the sounds of things being broken until he came to the closed door that stood between his former agent in mid-meltdown and himself.

As he put his hand on the door knob, he realized the door was locked. Silently sending up an apology to Tim's parents; Gibbs threw his shoulder into the door and busted through it. The sight that was before him broke his heart.

Tim McGee stood by his bed, frozen in fright, a river of tears flowing down his face, his shoulders shaking with anger and fury so potent it radiated off of him from across the room; a glass vase in his hand.

Looking around him quickly, Gibbs couldn't help but see just how much anger Tim had been letting go of. The young man's bedroom floor was littered with broken things; much of it glass. Maybe it was something Tim found to be true. Maybe the sound of breaking glass was more therapeutic than any other sound.

**"What the hell are you doing here?"** Tim raged.

Gibbs could hear the fear mixed in with the anger. "Sara called me. You've got her worried sick about you." Gibbs answered his question.

**"Go back home, Gibbs! I don't want you here!"** Tim yelled.

"I think you do." Gibbs calmly argued back.

_"Timothy! What on earth is the matter, my dear boy? Why didn't you call me if you needed some help?"_ Ducky lamented as he found his way into the bedroom.

"Oh, God! Ducky? Why are you here?" Tim asked in distress.

"When Sara called Jethro, he thought you might need my assistance, my dear fellow." Ducky answered.

**"I don't need help!"** Tim yelled.

"People who refuse to eat for more than 2 days straight, need help, McGee." Gibbs stressed, seemingly unperturbed by Tim's yelling and bad manners. "Is that why you haven't called me? You didn't wanna tell me things weren't okay for you anymore? Didn't wanna have to admit you needed help?" Gibbs asked quietly, trying to calm Tim down by extension.

"Is that why she called you?" McGee demanded on a quieter level.

"Part of it." Gibbs admitted.

"Sisters!" Tim fumed angrily. "Always sticking their noses in where they don't belong!"

**"McGee!** She was worried about you. Right now, you're the only family she has around her. Don't you think you could find a way to handle this without scaring her to death or endangering your own health?" Gibbs asked calmly.

"And just what is _'this'_ Gibbs?" Tim demanded.

"I don't know, Tim. Why don't you tell me?" The fact that Tim wasn't calling him "Boss" at the moment raised a red flag for Gibbs. He'd figure that one out when he got the chance.

**"Just, go away and leave me alone!"** Tim demanded angrily, his fists clenched at his sides.

"That's not gonna happen, Tim." Gibbs vowed. "And we both know you don't really want me to do that anyway."

"I didn't ask for your help!" Tim angrily snapped at him. Instantly, he hung his head.

"No, but you damn sure should have!" Gibbs snapped back wanting to get through to him. "You've been doing so well. What the hell happened since the last time you called me, McGee? Didn't you promise me you wouldn't try to get through any of this on your own?"

Tim's face crumbled and he sank to the floor, his knees giving out on him, the vase somehow landing on the bed. He curled up into a ball, rocking and sobbing.

Gibbs crouched down in front of the distraught young man and placed his hand on his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay. You're not alone anymore."

Reaching out in the midst of his misery, Tim latched his hand onto the hand on his shoulder.

"Help me, please, Boss." Tim begged through his tears.


	14. Not Leaving Him Behind

_"Help me, please, Boss." _

* * *

As Tim's cry for help rang in his ears, Gibbs quickly looked to Ducky, a silent question of how Tim's sister was holding up.

"She's fine, Jethro. I have her making coffee in the kitchen." Ducky reassured him. "I'll go keep her company while you two talk." Ducky offered.

When Duck had vacated the bedroom, Gibbs quietly coaxed Tim up off the floor and out of the bedroom, encouraging him to take a walk outside in the fresh air. After a long silent few minutes, with Gibbs patiently waiting for the young man to pull himself together and Tim pulling out all the stops to put himself back together; Tim stopped walking and looked directly at Gibbs.

"I'm so sorry. You know I would never..." He choked out, his voice breaking with regret and inner pain he felt from disrespecting the man he'd come to love as much as he loved his own father. Tim'd figured out how to talk about the worst of his anger and save the rest for later, relishing in the rebuilding relationship in the meantime. Sure, he still had things he was angry at Gibbs for, but the things that had hurt the most were only stinging now, and what had been dumped on him in the last two days made the things he was angry at Gibbs for seem like ancient history.

"Hey. I know. Tell me what happened. The last time we talked, three nights ago, you said you were fine. Have you started lying to me?" Gibbs quietly demanded.

"No. But, it was right after I got off the phone with you that everything fell apart." Tim explained with the wealth of pain in his eyes. The lack of hurt or outrage at the suggestion that he'd been dishonest. spoke volumes about the mountain of other emotions the young man was buried under at the moment.

"Is there a reason you didn't call me and let me help you deal with whatever it was that happened?" Gibbs asked pointedly.

"I haven't been able to think straight." Tim defended himself.

"I might believe that; if we weren't talking about three days time, Tim." Gibbs reminded him. "Talk to me, what happened?"

"Honest, Boss. It all came at me so fast, Where do I start?"

"The beginning. What happened first after we spoke?"

"I got hit with a triple whammie. It all came down on me at once. My parents are staying overseas indefinately. They've already sold the house. My apartment in D.C.'s been rented out from underneath me. I've got two weeks to vacate that. And my job at MIT's been given to someone else. A computer glitch! Within the space of 10 minutes, I've been left with no job; no more parents to turn to and no where to go! Tell me that doesn't prove I'm not important! I came home because the world had shown me I didn't matter. And now, it turns out, I don't even matter at home!" Tim explained, as the tears trickled down his face.

Angrily he wiped them away; trying desperately to show his former boss that he was still capable of an inner strength he most definately wasn't feeling at the moment. With shoulders stiff from pain and anger, Tim walked away from Gibbs a few feet and stood, overlooking the hill behind the house. "Sara's transfered to Cal State. She leaves in the morning. No one told me. The new owners of the house will be here in two weeks. I'm supposed to take care of getting my parents' things put in storage. Me! All by myself because, after all, I have two weeks of vacation time." Tim said with bitterness.

"You should have called me, McGee. We could have helped. We still can." Gibbs vowed, his tone daring Tim to argue with him. He'd seen Tim's struggle to stay strong and he wasn't gonna take that away from him by going there with him just yet.

Tim looked at him helplessly. "I know you can help me with the house, and I'd be grateful for it, Boss. But..." Tim turned back away.

"Let's take care of one thing at a time, all right?" Gibbs encouraged, knowing exactly what it was Tim wasn't able to say. Sure they could help him take care of his parent's house. But how could they help him feel any different than he was feeling right now? Whipping out his cell phone, Gibbs made a call. As Tim watched silently, his former boss spent a few minutes on the phone. "Thanks, Leon" Gibbs ended the call. "

"Help with the house is on the way." Gibbs reassurred him.

"Thank you, Boss." Tim offered quietly.

"C'mon, let's go get some coffee and we'll form a battle plan to get this done." Gibbs encouraged. He wasn't about to let Tim get lost in the emotional crap this had brought down on him. The practical things needed to be dealt with first. It would help keep the young man's head on straight anyway.

Together, in silence bred by the need for the space to think, they walked back into the McGee house and headed into the kitchen where Ducky and Sara already sat enjoying coffee and conversation.

"Yeah, I'm really looking forward to living in California" Sara was excitedly telling Ducky.

Tim looked at Gibbs with pain in his eyes and fled the room. He couldn't handle this too. As Sara put her coffee down and started to go after her brother. Gibbs stopped her.

"Sara, let him go." his quiet request stopped her in her tracks.

"Sir?" Sara asked respectfully. This man who her brother worked for for the last 6 years still intimidated the hell outta her. Tim may worship the ground this man walked on, but the guy still scared her in a normal minute as much as her father did in an angry one.

"He's had a lot dumped on him in the last week and he needs the space to deal with things in his own way." Gibbs reminded her.

"I don't know what you mean." Sara answered with surprise in her voice.

As Gibbs sat her down and ran through just the basics of everything that had been dumped on Tim, Sara's shock and sibling outrage marched across her face on Tim's behalf.

"That's why he lost it in his room earlier?"

"You gotta admit, Sara; it's a hell ova lot to have dumped on a person in one full swoop." Gibbs reasoned.

"I agree, Agent Gibbs. But why wouldn't he talk to me about any of it?" Sara asked in confusion. "Why wouldn't he tell me he almost got killed?"

"Don't you know your brother better than that? He wouldn't tell anyone he cares about that something _almost _happened to him." Gibbs reminded her.

"Yes, Timothy doesn't needlessly worry people he cares about, if he can help it." Ducky added. "When did you tell him you were transferring to California?"

"I reminded him over the phone two days ago, And I reminded him of my travel plans when I got home earlier this afternoon." Sara answered.

"No, you dropped another bomb on him." Gibbs informed her.

"You're saying he didn't know I was transferring?" Sara asked angrily. "Why wouldn't he have known?" she demanded.

"Because, Mom and Dad chose not to tell me." Tim's pained answer came at her from the doorway behind them. "And you already know that you didn't tell me, either."

"Tim, I'm so sorry. I thought you knew." Sara apologised.

"Doesn't explain why _you_ didn't tell me. We live; lived in the same city, for cryin out loud, Sara! **Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?"** Tim suddenly exploded.

"Tim." Gibbs had gotten up from the table and walked over to the young man as Sara had apologised, now put a restraining yet comforting hand on the his shoulder.

Allowing his former boss to calm his raging anger and over wrought nerves, Soaking up the older man's strength, Tim remained glued to the floor as he looked at Gibbs; needing to see those anchoring eyes that could ground him to the knowledge that he wasn't in this alone, no matter how alone he felt. He stood there deliberately working to calm his breathing down.

Gibbs delivered exactly what he saw Tim was looking for, needing. support, sympathy, strength. As he steadily looked at his agent, watched him fight to calm down, Gibbs once again chose to steer the conversation into safer waters as he asked him. "When's the last time you ate something?"

"I don't remember." Tim said quietly as he looked away from Gibbs and sat down in a kitchen chair, the weight of the world obviously sitting on his not so broad shoulders. The weight he was carrying had him slouched over as he clung to the coffee cup Ducky set in front of him. like it was his life vest. "Timothy, you need to eat something." the M.E. instructed him.

"I couldn't even if I tried, Ducky." Tim admitted.

"McGee, you know that's not a request. Sara, you need to help Dr. Mallard find your brother something to eat." Gibbs instructed in his no nonsense tone of voice.

"Just toss me one of Mom's Slim-Fasts, Sara." Tim told his sister. "That's probably all I can manage for now, Boss. Ducky." Tim told them.

"Yes, well, since it has been a few days since you've eaten properly, I've no doubt you are most likely correct, Timothy. But, we must work to rectify this situation, young man." Ducky insisted.

"I know, Ducky. Thank you." Tim conceded.

As Gibbs motioned for Sara to take a walk with him, Ducky sat with Tim, wanting to watch over him for a few minutes. They hadn't talked since the young man had found the stregnth to start talking things out with Jethro.

Now that he had the younger McGee sibling walking with him outside, Gibbs wanted to talk some sense into the girl. "Sara, you're leaving for California in the morning?" he asked her.

"Yes, Agent Gibbs."

"When do classes start?"

"Next week."

"Why leave so soon?"

"So I can have the week to get settled in and learn my way around."

"You do realize that means you're leaving the full responsibility of packing up your parents' house in your brother's lap?" Gibbs asked.

"He can handle it, Agent Gibbs. If he couldn't, Mom and Dad wouldn't have asked him to do it." Sara vowed.

"Sara, were you listening when I told you everything your brother's been through in the last two weeks?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes."

"And you honestly don't see a problem with your assumption?" Gibbs pushed.

Sara silently contemplated everything she'd been told and added this man's obvious failure to agree with her belief that Tim could handle this. "What is it you want me to do, Agent Gibbs?" she finally tried to meet him halfway.

"The rest of Tim's team is on their way. I was hoping you would stay and help supervise the effort to get your parents' things squared away. Take at least that much pressure of Tim's shoulders." Gibbs told her patiently.

"If he doesn't work for you anymore, how are they still Tim's team?" Sara asked in confusion.

"Because, we're family by extension. And we don't leave each other in the lurch." Gibbs told her.


	15. Holding Him Steady

As Gibbs left the kitchen with Sara, Ducky took this time he'd been given to silently look Timothy over, checking for signs of any other problems.

Tim, sensing the M.E.'s scrutiny, chuckled as he told him: "Ducky, I'm fine. Really."

"Timothy, you haven't called me in days. Jethro tells me you've spoken to him frequently. Am I to understand that this means you've managed to mend your relationship?" Ducky asked as he changed the subject slightly.

"Working on it, Ducky. Thanks to you pushing me to talk to him. There's still a lot of stuff I'm angry at him for, but it all seems pretty inconsequential right about now." Tim admitted.

"Timothy, I've never known you to stay angry about something that wasn't important." Ducky reminded him.

"Thanks for noticing, Ducky. But, really, right now, I've got too much on my mind to worry about any of that. I am really grateful you're both here and I'm really sorry about what happened earlier." Tim's guilt ridden apology tore at Ducky's heart.

"Timothy, there is no need to apologise. We all react to overly stressful situations differently. You, dear boy, were handed a lump sum of stress that was much bigger than yourself. You couldn't help but react to it. The only regret I have for you is that you didn't call one of us immediately, at least to let us talk things through with you. We may have at least made sure you were taking better care of yourself." Ducky gently chided.

"I know, Ducky. I just couldn't think straight." Tim tried to explain.

"It's all right, young man. We'll help you take care of things. Now, drink that shake. And then drink another." the M.E. directed.

"Yes, Sir." Tim meekly stated with a touch of humor.

As Gibbs and Sara rejoined them in the kitchen, Gibbs was pleased to note the two empty shake cans in front of Tim. "Okay. now that you've gotten some nutrition into you, I want you to go crash." Gibbs quietly told the young man.

"Boss?" Tim questioned in surprise.

"You've had a rough couple of days, and you haven't been eating right. Which means you haven't been sleeping right, either. So, go. crash. Don't make Ducky have to give you something." Gibbs warned.

Wearily, Tim got up and looked at Gibbs. "Thank you."

"Just, do as I ask, and we're good. Understood?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, Boss. I got it. Sleep. Thank you. For everything."

"I will be in to check on you in a little while, Timothy, I wll administer a sleep aide if you need it." Ducky promised.

"Thanks, Ducky." Tim wandered out of the room, heading toward his own trashed bedroom. As exhausted as he was, he still noticed that someone had cleaned up his mess. He'd have to thank that person later. Without wasting any time, Tim crawled into his bed and allowed sleep to quickly claim him, feeling safe and secure for the first time in weeks.

After Tim left the kitchen, Gibbs found Sara looking at him in utter amazement. "What?" he asked her

"How do you do it?" She asked him, unable to stop the curiosity from coming out.

"Do what?" Gibbs asked in confusion.

"Affect him like that." Sara explained.

"I'm not following you." Gibbs admitted.

"He listens to you better than he listens to Dad!" Sara further explained. "I've never seen Dad be able to calm him down like you managed earlier either. It's obvious he feels safe around you. It's obvious you know him pretty well, too."

Ducky chuckled. "It's simple, my dear. Agent Gibbs has trained and taught your brother for the last six years. Your brother has placed a lot of trust and faith in his leadership. That has gotten your brother where he is in his relationship with Agent Gibbs."

"I don't understand. If he has that much trust and faith in you, Agent Gibbs, and you say you're an extended family and you don't leave each other in the lurch, why was Timmy here alone? And why did you tell me he didn't work for you anymore?" Why would he stop working for you when he practically worships the ground you walk on?" Sara asked.

Gibbs swallowed hard, still processing the depth of truth in Ducky's explanation. He'd known this question from Sara was coming but that didn't make it any easier. "It's complicated, Sara. The best I can tell you is that all families have squabbles. They hav sibling rivalry and they have situations that get out of hand and need to be rectified. Often times they hurt each other without realizing it or meaning to. Sometimes, that hurt causes rifts that need to be mended. It's the same way for this team. We're family right down to the problems families go through."  
_I just wish I knew him as well as you give me credit for_. Gibbs thought with regret. _If I had gotten to know him better, most of this could have been avoided._

_"_And Tim not working for you anymore?" Sara pushed_._

"He chose to resign. And no, I won't discuss his business with you. But he has options. Now is not the time for him to have to think about that. So, I'm gonna ask that you not worry him about it." Gibbs answered her quietly.

"Okay. Thank you for answering my questions." Sara bashfully offered.

"Believe me, it was the least I could do." Gibbs said with an odd note in his voice. Changing the subject, he turned the conversation back to the things that needed to be done for the house and the planning began. Between the three of them. the packing up of the large house was planned out and worked out so that it wouldn't take long at all when the team arrived. Sara left the men alone while she went to get started on her parents' bedroom.

As she passed her brother's room, she quietly opened the door to look in on him. He looked so angelic when he was sleeping. Who would believe this was the same guy who had been trashing his room in white hot anger just a little while ago? She didn't know what special abilities Agent Gibbs had to calm Timmy down, but whatever they were, Sara was grateful for them. She'd never seen him that angry or out of control before. When Agent Gibbs had let her in on everything Tim had been going through, she wanted to hit someone on her brother's behalf. All she could do now, was relish the peacefulness that seemed to be wrapped around him at the moment.

Feeling a presence behind her, she turned to find both Dr. Mallard and Agent Gibbs looking over her shoulder at her brother with her relief reflected in thier eyes as well.. As the three of them then turned away from the door, Sara smiled at the men and continued on to her parents' room, while the men returned to the front porch to await the arrival of the team. Both of them were able to breathe a sigh of relief that Tim had managed to find some peaceful sleep. Gibbs was grateful that the young man was still willing to open up to him. Especially, since he'd been handling him with more of his normal style than the softer stuff he'd allowed himself to handle him with when Tim had first contacted him after he'd left the team.

As the agency Charger pulled into the driveway down by the road, Gibbs got up and quickly headed to the place where the car would be close enough to the house to wake Tim up if they decided to come charging in like a chariot to the rescue. Gibbs wanted to stop that before they even had a chance to start it. Since Tony was driving, it was a pretty safe bet that's where it was headed. Seeing Gibbs waiting for them as they rounded the last curve in the long driveway, Tony slowed the car and everyone got quiet. As he drew the car to a stop beside his boss, Tony grew alarmed.

"Boss?"

"Keep it down, McGee just fell asleep." Gibbs directed as he motioned for Tony to pop the trunk. Lifting the bags out, Gibbs took them to the porch. As Ziva, Abby, Jimmy and Tony all followed Gibbs to the porch, they all greeted Ducky in turn and then sat down. Once everyone had settled in their seats with a cool drink, Gibbs gathered their attention.

"What did Vance tell you?" he directed his question to Tony, knowing the Director would have had more to say to him about what was going on, than the rest of them.

"He just told me to get all of us up here ASAP, Boss."

"He didn't say anything else? To any of you?"

"No, Boss."  
"No, Gibbs."  
"No."  
"No, Sir."

"I'll lay it out for you. This is the McGee family home. It's been sold. The new owners will be here in two weeks. Sara's leaving in one. Everything needs to be packed and put in storage as quickly as possible. The parents are overseas and aren't coming back any time soon. It's more than Tim can handle, even with Sara staying to help."

As the quiet voices grew louder with discontent and anger on Tim's behalf, Gibbs stepped in.

"Hey! Let's stay on track here. While you are here, do not ask McGee about anything personal. Do not discuss his leaving or anything about it, not even with Sara! The only focus any of us need to have while we are here is helping these two get this house emptied out. Understood?" Gibbs laid out.

"Yes."  
"Got it, Bossman."  
"Certainly, Gibbs."  
"Yes, Agent Gibbs."

"Good. Tony, Ziva, you two take Sara with you and go get boxes. Get one of those portable storage companies to bring one of their units out here ASAP while you're out. Also, bring back dinner." Gibbs directed as he tossed some money in Tony's lap."Tony, you drive."

"Abby, why don't you go find Sara and get a heads up with what can be done while they're gone? Jimmy, you help Abby." Gibbs handed out assignments, anxious to get their heads into the game.

While the trio departed to go find boxes and get a storage shed delivered, Ducky and Gibbs remained on the porch, soaking up the chance to relax. Jimmy accompanied Abby into the house as they headed to the unused library. As the two of them began to unload the highest shelves of the bookshelves, placing the books in stacks on the floor in front of them, the sllence became uncomfortable. They both wanted to talk about what was going on with Tim, but knew Gibbs was rght. Their focus needed to remain on the job at hand.

As the storage shed arrived, so did the empty boxes along with the trio who had accomplished their goals. Several buckets of KFC and bags of side dishes were taken inside and laid out in the dining room. As the team descended on the evening meal, Tim silently put in his appearance. The first to notice his arrival was Abby. She immediately set her plate down and embraced him in a soft hug, softer than her usual bone crushing hug. "Hey, Tim. how are you?" She asked quietly.

"I'm okay, Abby, thank you." Tim answered guilt tugging away at his good mood. As he started to pull away from her, Abby grabbed his arms and looked into his eyes. "Tim, don't even think about leting yourself feel bad about anything. You just concentrate on helping us help you get this house squared away, you hear me?" Abby softly ordered.

"I'll try, Abby." Tim whispered, as his guilt began to climb back into his heart like a vine. As he looked around him at the team that had come to his rescue, even after he'd abandoned them the way he had; his conscience screamed at him that he didn't deserve this kind of support. Turning on his heel, his eyes crossed the eagle eyed blue one of his former boss. As Gibbs watched Tim fight with himeslf to accept this help, he saw the signs that the battle was being lost to the young man's ingrained sense of right and wrong. Right now, he obviously felt undeserving of the team's support. Reading the situation with concern, Gibbs quickly stepped into Tim's only escape route.

Noticing what was going on, Tony quickly headed over to help Gibbs keep Tim within their midsts, if he needed the back up.

"Tim. you need to accept that they wanna help." Gibbs wasted no time getting to the heart of the problem.

"Boss, Vance told them to come here, because you asked him to send them." Tim reminded him.

"Doesn't mean they don't wanna be here." Gibbs pointed out. "But, if it'll make you feel better, go ahead and say something to them about it. Get it off your chest."

"Yeah?" Tim asked in surprise.

"If it'll help." his former boss allowed. "Probably break the ice for them, too."

"Yeah, it would help." Tim admitted.

Gibbs tapped a glass with a fork until he had everyone's attention. As they all looked at him, he silently pointed to Tim and stepped back, in an obvious sign of handing the floor over to Tim.

"I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry at how I left things with everyone. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Thank you all for putting that aside to come help us, even if it is because Vance ordered you to. I still appreciate your help." Tim stated.

"We all want to be here, McGee." Ziva promised. "It does not matter that Vance ordered us to. We would still want to be here to help you."

"Thank you, Ziva." Tim said as he walked up to her and embraced her. _God, he'd missed her friendship. and her beautiful smile! _When Ziva freely hugged him back, he couldn't help but smile at her.

_"_Yeah, that goes for all of us, Probie." Tony admitted quietly. He was still upset that Tim felt the way he did about things, but there was no way he didn't want to be here to help his little brother out.

"Tony. Thank you." Tim's voice had taken on a strange tone and most of the people present didn't understand what was going on. Tony and Gibbs knew exactly what was wrong. Accepting Tony's help and what he said, with the rift still between them, left Tim feeling vulnerable where Tony was concerned. Tim was too polite not to accept Tony's offer for help or be rude about it.

Smiling at both of his boys in encouragement, Gibbs bid the group get back to eating dinner. Keeping a sharp eye on Tim, he wasn't happy to see Tim not even attempting to eat anything. Looking over at Ducky, he noticed Ducky watching Tim as well. Oh, well, he could leave this problem in Ducky's capable hands. Heading back into the ktitchen for more coffee, Gibbs was surprised to find Sara standing at the door, looking out at the yard beyond the porch. _Jeez, was that a McGee trait or something? Tim was always doing that when he was stressed out._

"Sara?"

"Oh, Agent Gibbs."

"You okay?"

"There's a lot more going on with my brother than any of you are telling me, isn't there?" Sara demanded with tears in her eyes.

"That's not my place to say, Sara. You know that. If you wanna know what's going on with your brother, you need to ask him. But, like I've already asked you. Please don't do it right now. Give him some space. He needs time. You both have a lot on your plates right now." Gibbs reminded her, praying she would listen to him and not dig into Tim right now. He knew his former agent was barely holding it together as it was.

"I know, Agent Gibbs and you're right. You asked and I promised. I'll leave him alone about it. But, that doesn't stop me from being angry that something's going on with him that sent him over the edge. He's such a strong person, Agent Gibbs! It takes a hell ova lot to push him into losing it like he did earlier. I've seen him take on a lot of crap and never lose it."

"Sara, if he wants you to know about it, he'll tell you. But, I think we both know that he won't lay it on you. " Gibbs told her. "You need to respect whatever way he chooses to go with it."

"I know. Doesn't make it any easier, though" Sara admitted.

"No, I imagine it doesn't." Gibbs sympathised with her.

"Promise me you won't let anything happen to him!" Sara demanded.

"I can't make that promise, Sara. He doesn't work for me anymore." Gibbs quietly reminded her.

He understood her panic and fear for her brother, but he wasn't yet in the position to keep the promise she was asking of him. Tim would have to be willing to come back before that could happen. And right now, Gibbs wasn't even willing to have that discussion with the over-burdened young man. Sure, it might aleviate some of his burden, but Gibbs knew it would also reopen old wounds that were still healing for Tim. And coming back to NCIS might actually feeli like he was crawling back on his hands and knees, and that was the very last thing Gibbs wanted Tim to feel. No, it would have to be addressed slowly and carefully.

"You said he had options." Sara reminded him.

"And I will discuss his options with him; when he's ready to hear them. Right now, he's nowhere ready to hear anything about work problems." Gibbs reminded her.

"You're right. God! This is so hard! I feel like I have to do Mom's job cause she's not here!"

"Sara. your job is to be his little sister. Trying to be your mother is only going to make it that much more painful for the both of you." Ducky said from behind her. "Jethro, Timothy would like to speak to you."

Gibbs looked at the M.E. with disbelief.

"Of course, he did not say that in those words, Jethro. I am merely interpreting his anxiousness to the best of my ability." Ducky defended his words.

"Did you get him to eat anything, Duck?" Gibbs asked in concern.

"No, Jethro. But, he did consume another one of those replacement shakes."

"Better than nothing at all, I guess." Gibbs conceded. "Remember what I said," Gibbs said to Sara before he left the window and headed back into the dining room. Searching the room, Gibbs noted that the group was peacefully and cheerfully enjoying dinner but there was no sign of Tim anywhere. Not at all happy that no one seemed concerned at Tim's absence from the group, Gibbs turned back into the hallway before he said something he'd regret. Tony appeared at his shoulder.

"He's out on the porch, Boss. He said he needed the fresh air."

"Thanks, Tony."

"Sure, thing." Tony turned and went back into the room, knowing Gibbs didn't want or need an audience.

As Gibbs opened the front door and saw Tim lost in thought as he sat on his parents' swing, the older man couldn't help but feel compassion for the young man. This was a lot for any person to handle it itself. When you throw in everything else on Tim's plate right now, it was a wonder the kid was still standing. No wonder he'd lost it earlier. That meltdown had been so long overdue, Gibbs had been surprised at how easy it had been to get Tim to calm down.

Sitting down in the chair next to the swing, Gibbs broke through TIm's thoughts.

"Hey. you okay?"

"I don't know what I am, right now, Boss." Tim quietly admitted as he locked eyes with the man. "I've never had so much fall in on me at once before."

"Seems to me you're handling it pretty well." Gibbs praised.

"Thanks. You and I both know I wouldn't be if you weren't here to help."

"You have your sister to thank for that." Gibbs reminded him.

"I know. And I do wish I had called you right back that night. Somehiow I feel like I wouldn't have so much to come back from if I had let you in sooner." Tim admitted with regret.

"Not necessarily. But we could probably have handled things a little less bumpy that what you put yourself through going it alone. And McGee, you need to realize you need to help yourself before anyone can help you.

" I know, Boss." Tim admitted. "What was Sara going off on you about?" Tim asked in concern.

"She's upset that she doesn't know everything that's going on with you." Gibbs truthfully told him. Seeing the panic cross the young man's face, Gibbs chuckled. "Relax. You don't have to tell her anything you don't want to."

"You don't know Sara." Tim reminded him in grave concern.

"I think you'll be surprised this time." Gibbs said with a sly grin. He had no doubt Sara would keep her promise to leave Tim alone about his private life. He knew she could see he needed to work through things his own way.

"What did you do?" Tim asked with a touch of humor, imagining Gibbs intimidating Sara into silence. The picutere it created in his head brought a smile to his face.

"Nothing you need to worry about." Gibbs promised with a grin of his own.

"Whatever it was, thank you." Tim offered with a rare smile.


	16. Without A Doubt

For the remainder of the evening, the team bantered with Sara as they loaded all of the larger furniture into the storage unit. Leaving the beds for the next morning, they then turned their attention to packing the smaller things. The air soon became full of the sounds of packing and taping boxes. Sara turned several radios on throughout the house to keep the momentum going. As the evening wore on, they successfully completed emptying out two of the smaller rooms.

Tim had helped. although he'd remained extremely quiet. No one ragged him about it or attempted to drag him into any conversations. It would have only served to bring more attention to him; which he obviously, was the last thing he wanted. He repeatedly slipped out of the room being packed up, only to reappear several minutes later more subdued than he had been when he'd left. Under the silent but ever forceful direction of Gibbs; Tim was left alone. Whatever was going on, he was gonna be given the space to handle it his own way. If he wanted help, he'd have to ask for it.

Tim couldn't stomach seeing his parents' house being packed up for more than a couple of minutes at a time. He knew it made him a coward, but he couldn't help it. Seeing his childhood home packed up and handed off to strangers, with hs parents so far away and probably never coming back; hurt so bad it was bringing tears to his eyes. Since he refused to let the team see him cry or get sick, he was repeatedly having to leave the room to get himself back under control.

Finally, after the sixth disappearing act he pulled, Tony pulled him aside. "Look man, I know this is hard. Why don't you make it easier on yourself and find something you're more comfortable taking care of?"

Tony's words while intended to be helpful, only served to convince Tim that he was indeed being a coward. What was it Tony had called him that one time, A yellow-bellied chicken-livered, sissy. wasn't it? It had been something close to that, he knew.

"Thanks, Tony, I guess you're right." Tim said with a touch of something unrecognisable in his voice. As he disappeared down the hall, Tony was left feeling like he'd just been sucker punched. _What the hell just happened_?

Abby noticed Tony standing in the doorway looking like he'd just been punched in the gut. "Tony, what's wrong?"

Shaking his head, Tony pulled himself together. The last thing he wanted was for Abby to get in the middle of whatever this was going on between him and Tim. "Nothin, Abbs. I'm fine. How we doin in here?" Tony tugged her back into the midst of the packing and carrying on.

Several hours later, with Tim markedly absent from their midst, they broke up the work for the night and got ready to get some shut eye. As Gibbs made the rounds, once he'd come in from packing up the shed for Tim. he was relieved to find the whole of the group already down for the count. Noticeably absent, of course, was Tim. Abby and Ziva were camped out in Sara's room. Tony and Jimmy were each taking a spare bedroom while Ducky was camping out in the study. Gibbs had respectfully accepted the use of the master bedroom. On his way to his bed for the night, he passed Tim's closed bedroom door. Suddenly thankful that these two rooms were situated away from the remainder of the bedrooms and guest rooms, he knocked on the door.

Concerned when he got no answer, he opened the door, to a sight he couldn't help but grin at as he found yet another glimpse of a McGee staring out the window to the world outside. Quickly bringing his mind back to the reason for the melancholy demeanor in this young man, Gibbs erased the grin as he quietly closed the door behind him. Sitting down in the chair, he silently waited Tim out; for all of ten minutes. Finally, he couldn't take the silence anymore.

As he opened his mouth to speak, Tim shocked him into silence. "I can't do this, Boss."

Recovering quickly, Gibbs sat back and waited. Tim would talk when he was ready.

"I can't pack up my parents' house knowing it'll be closing the door on ever seeing them again! And when Sara leaves in the morning; I'll probably never see her again, either. No family, no job, no place to live. I couldn't even have a decent conversation with Tony earlier. It's like I'm stepping back in time and all of a sudden I'm green and untrained and just hopelessly stuck with no idea how to get out of it." Tim rolled on, relieved to get it all out at once. "I know that makes me a wuss. But, I can't help it."

"Think about your options, McGee." Gibbs reminded him calmly. Deliberately ignoring the negative slurs McGee was applying to himself.

"What options, Boss? I just ran through the problems. I didn't hear any possibilites for solutions in there." Tim explained in frustration.

"Maybe you're not looking hard enough." Gibbs pushed.

"No job. No place to go. I'd say that's looking at the biggest picture. How much harder am I supposed to be looking for something that's not there?" Tim asked in confusion.

"You're not seeing the forest for the trees, McGee." Gibbs cryptically reminded him.

"You're telling me the answer is within the team because they're here for me." Tim stated.

"Can you think of any other place to start looking?" Gibbs asked dryly.

"Boss, even if I could get someone on the team to let me stay with them. it wouldn't solve me not having a job!" Tim reminded him.

"Already taken care of, McGee." Gibbs told him.

"How is that possible? I walked away with almost no notice." Tim said in shock, knowing Gibbs was saying he could come back to NCIS.

"You also earned your spot on my team; within the Agency; and enough leave time for this time off to not even reflect badly on your record." Gibbs reminded him.

"You'd take me back?" Tim was shell-shocked.

"Never wanted to see you leave in the first place, McGee." Gibbs told him. "Did you really think your place on my team would be handed to someone else before you're even officially no longer employed by the Agency? And just so we're clear? Even if you weren't still officially on the payroll; your spot would not be taken that quickly."

"I just never expected..." Tim tried to explain.

"All you have to do is want it." Gibbs interrupted him, wanting to keep the conversation rolling. He hadn't wanted Tim to even worry about this right now, but since Tim had obviously been stressing out over it and had been the one to bring it up; Gibbs wasn't going to drag it out for him.

"I would love to come back to your team, Boss. You know that. But, it's not that simple. I think we both know that, too." Tim said with regret.

"Why don't you explain what I'm obviously not seeing." Gibbs suggested.

"The team would have to want me back, too."

"Is there some reason they wouldn't?"

"I was pretty harsh to them in the letters I left."

"Okay. So, you deal with that."

"Boss, if they don't want me back, it's not gonna make for a very cohesive team."

"You're expecting the worst. Try sleeping on it tonight and talking to them tomorrow."

"Okay." Tim's doubt was evident.

"You don't trust me all of a sudden?" Gibbs asked in surprise.

"Of course I trust you. It's their gut reactions I'm worried about. Not the one the feed you because they know it's what you wanna hear." Tim admitted.

"Relax. Get some sleep. We'll take tomorrow to finish packing up your parents' house. Then we'll head back to D.C. Don't worry about anything. We'll figure something out." Gibbs promised.

"Thanks, Boss." Tim offered.

"Just promise me something, Tim" Gibbs said seriously.

"Anything."

"Promise me you will keep your word to me this time, and not try to handle anything else like this on your own." Gibbs directed.

"Yes, Boss. I promise. And this time I'll try harder not to get where I can't think straight enough to call you."

"Good. Now get some sleep."

"G'nite Boss."

"Nite."

* * *

In the morning, the team kept the noise on the bedroom hallway to Tim's room down to a minimum and let him sleep in. While he slept, the rest of the team ate breakfast and dug into the house packing. At 8 AM, they were surprised by the arrival of Director Vance and his wife. While Leoon took Gibbs and Ducky aside, Jackie set about helping the ladies in their tasks. As Leon got the rundown on exactly what was going on, the rest of the team kept going.

By 10 AM, the top floor was done with the exception of Tim's room. A mid-morning snack was handed out, and the work once again gotten underway. Gibbs was ready to go check on Tim when his agent put his own appearance in as he walked into the kitchen. Seeing the Director there with his wife; shocked Tim into a panic. Before Leon could scare him back to his room, Gibbs stepped in and pointed him to a chair and slid a bowl of cereal in front of him. "Eat. Every bit of it!" Gibbs instructed. Looking pointedly at Ducky, Gibbs patted Tim on the shoulder and ushered Leon out of the kitchen.

"He can't handle the pressure of worrying how to act around you, right now, Leon. This may be his family's home, but you are still the Director and he's still trying to digest the fact that he's welcome to come back.

"Doesn't he realize that he never actually left yet?" Leon asked.

"It's more complicated than that, Leon. It's about the team itself."

"Oh. Don't they want him back?"

"If I know my team, then yes, they want him back. If you're asking if I've discussed it with them, then the answer's no. I wasn't even gonna discuss it with McGee yet. He brought it up last night."

"If I'm not mistaken, your team's in one room together as we speak. What better time to find out where they stand?"

"Go ahead." Gibbs offered.

As Leon Vance entered the living room where Gibbs' team was hard at work, Gibbs pulled the folding doors closed behind him, as he walked in behind the man.

"Hey!" Gibbs called just loud enough that everyone would hear him. "Gather round. Director Vance has something he wants to ask all of you. I expect complete honesty from all of you." Gibbs directed in his no-nonsense voice.

When everyone had gotten quiet, Vance spoke up. "Just a quick but very important question. If you need time to consider your answer, don't be afraid to say so. My question is this: do you want McGee back on your team?"

**"Absolutely! **Abby exclaimed instantly.

**"Without a doubt!** Ziva answered equally as fast.

**"Well, YEAH! **Tony exlaimed as if the Director couldn't possibly even have to ask.

**"Yes. definately,** although I'm sure you weren't really asking for my opinion." came from an embarressed Jimmy.

"Well, Gibbs, I think that settles that. Don't you?" Leon asked as he looked over at Gibbs.

"Are you guys sure?" came the timid question from the no longer closed door to the living room. Tim stood there with hope shining in his eyes but doubt mixed in with it. ucky stood next to him with concern written all over his face. He'd tried to stop Tim from coming in, but the young man had been determined. He'd known what it was about and he'd wanted to hear it for himself.

Tony summed it up in a nutshell. "The team just would'n be the same without you, Probie."

In unison, the team members surrounded Tim and embraced him, wiping all doubts from his mind.


	17. Working Out The Kinks

With the big uncertainity removed from his shoulders, Tim was once again able to work on regain his normal way of looking at things. Gone was the gloom and doom attitude and the unwillingness to be around the rest of them. Although he was still greatly distrssed to be packing his parents' home, that emotion was soon detected by Director Vance's wife, Jackie who promptly took Tim aside and let him talk it out. As only a woman could, Jackie understood where the son was coming from as he was forced to say goodbye to his parents' home, whcih was causing him to feel like he was saying goodbye to his parents' without the beneift of actually getting to talk to them or hug them.

As the day wore on and the steady packing continued, Tim found he was able to take Gibbs' advice and put all other worries out of his mind for the time being and concentrate on the task at hand as well as spending time with Sara. By nine that night, the entire house was empty except the blankets they were using to sleep with. Tim had reservedly asked Ducky and Gibbs and even Tony to help him pack up his room. He didn't have the strength to get it done by himself and he didn't want to risk having to deal with Tony's smart-alec quips he was always so full of.

Director Vance and his wife departed around 7. As they were leaving, Tim had pulled Leon aside with the need to talk to him.

"Agent McGee. what can I do for you?"

"Sir, I would like to be given the time off to go through Recertification."

"Agent McGee that's not necessary. Your staus as a Field Agent has not been called into question."

"Please, Director. I need to do this. For myself."

"McGee. just because this woman got one over on you, does not mean you're any less of an agent." Leon promised him with startling insight.

"Thank you, Sir. But, I would appreciate this just the same." Tim persisted.

"All right, Agent McGee. You clear it with Gibbs and I'll support you and sign the paperwork."

"Thank you, Sir."

"You're welcome, It'll be good to have you back, when you're done."

"Thank you. and thank you for your assistance here."

"Not a problem."

While Tim had been talking to Vance, Gibbs had been reminding the team that Tim's apartment was gonna need to be packed up when they got back and Tim would undoubtedly be needing their help with that, too. The team had been quick to assure Gibbs that they would be there with bells on for their teammate.

When Tim came back from talking to Vance, he'd asked Gibbs for a moment of his time. As he'd laid his request out for Gibbs to think about, the boss could only marvel at the younger man's determination to come back an even more prepared agent than he'd been when he'd left. Gibbs couldn't help but be proud of him and grant him his request. Tim had thanked him heartily and returned to the group to relax with a movie on the television that would be put in storage right before they left in the morning.

As the team settled down for their last night of sleep in the house, Tim found himself unable to sleep. Steathily taking himself out to the front porch, he was not surprised to find Gibbs already there. Not wanting to disturb his boss, Tim turned to go back inside.

"Hey." Gibbs stirred from his thoughts and greeted him. causing him to pause in his retreat.

"Hey, Boss. Sorry. wasn't trying to disturb you." Tim apologised quietly.

"You're fine. C'mon sit," Gibbs beckoned to the chair. As Tim took the chair, Gibbs looked him over and noticed he was beginning to look better, no longer looking like his world was coming to an end. "Can't sleep?" he asked him.

"No. Too much on my mind, I guess." Tim admitted.

"Talk to me." Gibbs encouraged.

"Where am I gonna stay, Boss? How does all this affect the way the team looks at me now?" Tim asked both questions that had been plaguing him since the work had been finished and things had settled down.

"Those your only concerns?" Gibbs asked, wanting Tim to get them all out on the table.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I know you told me I shouldn't worry about any of this until we get back, but..."

"You're a thinker and you need things worked out ahead of time. I get it." Gibbs admitted.

"Yeah. You do." Tim admitted with a smile.

"You've obviously been thinking about this for a while. What've you come up with?" Gibbs pushed him to think through this for himself.

"I can't think of anyone on the team that would be willing to let me stay with them - without complicating that relationship and I already have enough of them to rebuild."

"Are you gonna make me make the decision for you or are you gonna stop overlooking the obvious?" Gibbs asked him dryly.

"Boss?"

"You haven't even considered asking Ducky or myself." Gibbs told him.

"No, I hadn't." Tim admitted.

"I'm not gonna ask why. I'm just gonna cut to the chase. You need to stay with me." the boss reasoned.

"Boss?" Tim was shocked.

"McGee, it's like you already admitted. You and your teammates have relationships to fix. You don't have that problem with me. On top of that, while you're under my roof, Ducky and I can keep a better eye on you and make sure you take care of yourself. And maybe this way, you'll be more inclined to discuss things with me before you make drastic decisions?" Gibbs ended with the question that had started it all.

Tim jus stared at him, too struck speechless to even think.

"You have a reason it won't work?" Gibbs demanded.

"I don't know how long it'll be for?" Tim threw out there as a warning.

"Doesn't matter."

"What about Jethro? He's been at a sitter for the last two days. He'll need to come back with us?

"I've got a backyard. You help me fence it in the rest of the way and he'll be on cloud nine." Gibbs promised.

"Wow. I don't know what to say, Boss." Tim managed to get out.

"Just say yes, McGee. You know it's the only solution that makes sense. I mean there's Ducky's but, I'm not sure he's up to younger company on such a regular basis. He's set in his ways."

"Yes. And thank you!"

"Just don't think of leaving us again, Tim." Gibbs ordered

"Wouldn't dream of it." Tim said with a smile.

* * *

_the end!_


End file.
